Posts Tagged ‘stillness’

Hi there:

Actually, this has been going on for a long time.  I know I’ve seen it, or maybe even done it once or twice, but I saw it on Susan’s Site – “Lollipop Moments” and I thought I’d give it a go!

If you are interested in Unconscious Mutterings, give them a look see and send her an email to let her know you are playing along!

Week #304

1. Spit it out :: “Patooey”
2. Shadow :: Ack, this is the “name” my son gives for his scary friend that keeps landing him in the hospital.  Not a good name around the house.
3. Database :: Never Ending – Still Not Done and my client is waiting on it!
4. Expression :: Drat
5. Boss :: I am my own.  Wait, there is the hubby… then the kids, then the dog…. ::sigh::
6. Baby ::  Oh hecks no!  No more.
7. Mystic ::  We all are.
8. Kate :: Katie Curic (sp?)
9. Boobies :: I do have two.
10. Raid :: Panty

There we go!  Now that was fun!

LOL  I’m such a dork.

Harold Ford 2/19/1938 - 10/27/2007

I didn’t know what else to call this post, but I do have to say I don’t feel like we are completely without him you know?  I always seem to catch a fragrance (smoke), hear a laugh, or something to remind us of him – he’s still very much around.

That’s my belief, take it or leave it – but it’s really a knowing.  Harold loves us mucho.  The old “coot” said he’d haunt us, so why not? 

Harold died of cancer on this day in 2007.  So many of us where effected in so many ways, too many to imagine.

My husband – oh to lose your father, I cannot begin to imagine.

My kids, who only where around him for a few years – were very effected and it broke my heart watching them grieve.

His grandchildren – what can you say to that grief?

Friends, Family – all of us where touched in so many different ways by him.

He’s wasn’t some sweet little old guy though.  Nope.  Well, not on the outside… he was a burly kinda rough Navy kinda guy.  He’s tell you to “kiss off” quite quickly and the next breath laugh his butt off if you tripped and fell.  You just had to shake your head and laugh at him.  He always lived life being truthful to who he was and not worrying what others thought.

I miss you Harold, and as of today… one year after you ditched your 3 dimensional body for a beautiful light spirity one – I have not smoked for over 10 days.  Ha!

I miss you miss you miss you.

So does your son, in such a huge way……

Love and Light,

Your “Honorary Daughter”

For You Harold – A Soft Goodbye

A few things here, I’m still struggling with smoking.  I’ll get there, don’t you fret!

On the 8th, I went to a local park/preserve called Round Valley.  Lately I’ve yerned for nature, and we have so much around us.

• Round Valley Regional Preserve
• Mt. Diablo Park
• Morgan Territory
• Black Diamond Mines

These are only a few, within a half an hour from where we live.  We are really blessed!

Here are some photos I took while walking through Round Valley.  It was so quiet that you could hear when the lizards scurried across the path.  Woodpeckers caught my attention a number of times.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many in one area.

Here’s some pics from Round Valley via my Flickr:

Flickr has been known to slow down this site, so I’m hoping you can see these without the slow!

Love and Light!  I’ll be posting more later!

~Monica~

What a mix!

This weekend I had my daughter and her boyfriend come to visit.  They brought Tattoos.  They just got them done!

Here’s Joseph’s tattoo (it’s his last name)

My darling 19 year old daughter was told getting a tattoo wouldn’t really hurt on the top of your foot.  She begs to differ, but here they are – wings!

Wholley OUCH Batman!

Well, hey… she’s got wings and can fly away any time her heart desires.  What a cutie!  Poor thing said she was about in tears as they were doin’ it.  I can only imagine.

Oh, and it’s not done… they still have to FILL THEM IN!  Wholley Molley.

Gutsy little one she is!

On to some fun I had today!

I open the door to find a “singing balloon” held by a man with a vase of flowers.

I was giggling while trying to sign my name, ’cause the baloon was really SINGING!

It was playing the theme song to “Friends” – I’ll be there for you!

I smiled to him and giggled a bit more and asked him (duh!) – is that balloon singin’?  He kinda nodded and handed it to me quickly.  Seems that must have been mortifying for him.

For me, I just giggled and brought it inside tapping the balloon over and over again.

He does this… just buys me flowers.

Ahhh…. what a sweetie!

Here they are!

Even Indy was impressed!

Oh, there’s new news on my Search and Rescue Training!  Indy and I are starting again in October.  Indy has had “Pano” for a few months pretty bad – so I need to go through the visitor thing again, then get a sponsor again… we were close before!  I’m totally excited!

K, Nuff of my update.

Stephen’s very tired and dizzy…. we go to his doctor tomorrow to check on him.  Meds Meds Meds…. argh.

Love and Light,

Monica

First, a huge amount of gratitude to those that have commented, emailed and given their love and support in the times I’ve had in the last week.

I have had Stephen read the comments and he teared up.  He’s 16 but can be touched by kind hearts and beautiful words.  Thank you.

He is starting his own blog, and I’ll link here when he’s got it a bit under control.

Second, if there is anyone else out there that is empathic at all – I ask you this – how heavy are you feeling now?

Those reading may not believe in what I do, and that’s a blessing because varied views are beautiful and learning experiences for us all!

Let me tell you where I’m at right this moment as a 40 year old lady, living in the U.S. on this planet Earth in this Solar System and a part of the Universe:

I’m fighting to keep my world full of light, and love and stillness.

Although I’ve dealt with emotional ups and downs this last week – I can tell you that isn’t all that is creating a difficult situation in my spirit.

In the U.S. we have so many crisis’s right now.  From the election, to the financial “Wholly Heck”, to the day to day issues of homelessness, abuse and suffering.

In the World we have suffering, war, and hate.

On Earth we have a general tone of “oh well, someone will fix it later”.

*We* does not mean each individual by the way, there are many doing what they can in each instance.  But not the whole.

Mahatma Ghandi has a quote I attempt to live my life by every day and I do fall short most days unfortunately:

Be the change you want to see in the world.

That doesn’t mean look to someone to change it.  It does truly mean for you to be the change you wish for.  It starts with each of us.

With that said, there isn’t many American’s right now that aren’t having great angst and fear around this election.  Both the Obama side and the McCain side of voters actually FEAR the other getting into office.  Why?  It’s because of our media and mis-information being thrown at you. These two are men.  Humans like us.  They will each do the best they can to assist this country.  Neither is as bad as each side paints them to be.

I can say I’ve personally seen things that make me question the integrity and sincerity of both sides.  Enough to make me wonder who to “write in” on the ballot.  Then I catch myself.

Folks, either candidate will be perfect.

If that statement jolts you from the inside and you want to SCREAM “it’s not so” – then I urge you to look inside and ask yourself what your true fear is.  Take a deep look at what you fear and work on that.  Yourself.

Whoever gets elected is going to have a tough year ahead of them.  It’s just where we are at right now.

I get that lately – many folks are going to need therapy in heavy doses after this election.

It will all be okay.

It will all just *be* and that is perfect.

Please get yourself to a place of calmness, stillness and light if you are currently in fear, stressed or generally off balance.  At the very least, if you are feeling this way – take a look at it.

It feels to me that the world is going faster and faster and folks are attempting to move away from it, not with it.

It will all be okay… really.  It will be perfect.

Love and Light to everyone that reads this.  You are loved.

Monica

We raise our children in the hopes that no pain will befall them.

I personally cringe when one of my children stubs even a small toe.

To see our children in pain feels like an unjust thrust upon us from the Universe.

We know that cry when they are small, it’s not a whine or complaint – it’s the “mommy I need you now” cry.

What about when they are teens?

The teen “cry” is different.

At times it is almost mute, and you have to listen intently to hear their cries.

My son has once again cried out and has now been hospitalized.

Again.

This time last year he attempted suicide bringing the family to a stillness I never want to re-live.

This time, he reached out for assistance before the overdose, cutting and police SWAT team that we lived through last year.

I know in my heart this is simply something my son gets to go through.

As his mother, I can tell you with ever breath I take – I do not like it one bit.

Why couldn’t it be that they could just go through life with love, peace and happiness?

I suppose, that wouldn’t be life here would it?

Teen suicide is ridiculously high.  I even hear some folks joke about it – I’m not sure I get the joke.  Nor do I wish to.

He was diagnosed last year with Bi-Polar with Psychotic Episodes.  His medication has been working up until now – or apparently 3 weeks before now as we are finding out.

As his mom, I would just like to ask the Universe to let him be.

Let him feel calm, still, and happy with himself.

I’ll be on and off for a bit, this blog is – after all – a source of my therapy.  Don’t wig out if I’m still cheery, I just had to get some of it off my heart in this post.  My outlook on all things in life is positive.  Even those things that seem to pull my heart right out of my chest.

He’ll come home happy and healthy as he did last time – I just know it.

Love and Healing Light to all of you ~ Monica

My Son Stephen 2007-09-28

Update on Stephen 2007-10-07

Stephen June 2007

////

My son has requested that I place his writings up on my site for my readers to comment on or at least read.  He’s a heavy writer, and it seems that journaling while he’s hospitalized feels good to him.  Although I haven’t read it yet, I’ll see what I can do to set up a page for him and either type exactly as he has it, or I’ll perhaps place portions of it up.  I’ll post here when I create it.

(photos and graphics other than my son were found from Photobucket – just type “teen”)

According to Wikipedia marriage is:

“Marriage is a personal union of individuals. This union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is called a wedding and the status created is sometimes called wedlock.”

According to Monica, marriage is:

“An agreement by two people (no, I DON’T care if it’s same sex fer cryin’ out loud!  that dispute is getting old to me… sheesh):

• combine assets,
• allow the other full access to your heart (yes, even the potential to hurt one another),
• publicly announce you are taken (jeeze, this one was like putting out an announcement in the paper – or maybe we should have),
• to love the other one – even when you are angrier than a bull getting messed with by a guy with a red blanket,
• to not leave or announce DIVORCE ’cause you just can’t take it anymore
• to respect eachother’s lives (yes, we actually DO still have our own lives)
• to deal with the other’s families, even if you aren’t sure why they do what they do (not my hubbies family ofcourse)

to learn, to love, through sickness and health – ’till death do us part kinda thing”

So, after having our 2 year wedding anniversary I can say we’ve done all of the above.

What is a marriage that works?  To me, it’s one you keep working on.

I was married once before, so was he.  His lasted longer than mine… mine lasted all of 6 years.  Enough time to have my beautiful children and thank my ex-husband for the time I had with him.  It wasn’t a pretty breakup, but very quiet – we just gave up.

Daniel and I work hard sometimes on our marriage.  He came in to a family – me and three children.  I took on him and his son.  He is a neat freak, I’m messier than all heck.  He is a perfectionist with money… me?  Well… I have some and my kids are fed and I was always able to pay the bills and keep what I had, that’s all that mattered to me.

We are so different in so many ways.  SO many ways.  I talk to my ex-boyfriend once in awhile, he talks to his ex-wife almost daily.  His ex-girlfriend reads my blog, my ex-boyfriend reads my MySpace.

He is a great provider, a wonderful step-father, and great other things. 

So what do I feel today that’s different than when he and I first started this relationship?  I feel secure, happy, and at peace.

There are days when both of us wonder “what next?”.

Today we just get to *be*.

I love my husband and am glad we fought so hard to be together.  We each left people with broken hearts to come together.  They just weren’t the ones we were to share our lives with.

According to Monica ~ Marriage:  A Union of Two Spirits that Chose to Come Together In This Life to Learn with Eachother

~Monica~

What would happen if we all simply cared about one another – no issues, no anger, no hatred for what we don’t understand… I think it would be nice.

Search and Rescue training has been going very well.  It’s a great group and I’m lucky to have found them.  Still waiting on my puppy.

This weekend was fun, it was me, my hubby, my sons and our 3 year old lab – Sammy out on a hike.  Beautiful day.  Here’s some pics.

It was a bit overcast, but still beautiful as nature always is.

A beautiful peacock was so nice to hold still for me as I crept twords him with a camera in hand.

The boys trotting along.

Otherwise, it’s just life here.  Nothing of event – just loving life.

Peace.

Monica