Posts Tagged ‘momma’

While my handsome boy is in the hospital getting some much needed assistance, I’m left with the thought of – “What happens when he comes home?”  Afterall, it sure doesn’t seem safe to me for him to be here at the house alone.

So a friend referred me to a company that places in home caregivers.  Normally, this is for an invalid elder parent or someone that just got done with surgery.  But, my little boy deserves to have some assistance at home.  I deserve to have some piece of mind.

I meet with them on Tuesday to see if there is a fit somewhere.  The person will need to be able to handle a 6′1″ 250lb kid (185.42 cm | 113.40 kilo) if he has a psychotic episode, they will need to understand bi-polar and psychosis disorder.  They’ll need to be okay with a big (kinda) German Shephard.  They’ll also need to be here from 6 AM to 6 PM.  Where do you find someone like that?

I’m sure there is something we can do.  I made it clear to the doctors he cannot come home until we have a safe plan in place.

Speaking of doctors.  Let me tell you a bit about what I go through with these folks.

First, they always like to say the reason he’s going through this is something YOU are doing wrong.  Now, at first – I listened to that and thought I surely must be a horrible parent.  Then, the more I thought about it the more I figured out they truly don’t know what the issue is and the easiest way to put blame somewhere is on the parent.  Now, I’m quite strong minded and strong willed.  Although in the beginning I took everything to heart and beat myself up for it, the more I got into this the more I realized the docs didn’t know as much as they SOUND like they do.

Let me give you an example of this.  His psychiatrist, his therapist and his OTHER doctor all recommended he go on this Independent Study High School Program.  My initial reaction was “You have got to be kidding!  You want a child that is depressed to stay home all day with not interaction with society?  It will make him more depressed!”  Yes, I said just that.  Their response?  “No, this is the best thing for him.  He cannot handle regular high school.”  With that, he was switched to the Independent program against my better judgement.  The psychiatrist that is treating him in the hospital chastised me for putting him into a program with this.  Basically asking what I was thinking, and that because he was depressed placing him in this situation just worsened it.  I let her have it with all the momma guns I have:

“You people are completely guessing at crap aren’t you?”  ” I put my child there because folks that have the SAME degree as you said it was the best for him while I argued it wasn’t!”  “You people are guessing!”

They are you know.  Mind you, they do know alot more than me.  But when it comes to my child – I’ve learned a year and a half later – I KNOW MORE!

I really ripped into that doctor.  They were saying it was the environment that was causing this.  Yeah, okay – you are right – a loving home is a horrid thing to live in.  I give up.

The doctors will always tell you that you are doing something wrong.

I ended that discussion saying that I’ve figured them out, they know nothing – they are guessing and that from now on they will listen to me.

::sigh::

They want a fight?  I’ll give them one. This is my baby – he’s struggling like there is no tomorrow and I’ll be d*mned if I allow these doctors to continue to play guessing games with my child’s life.

They get to get to the bottom line.  What is the issue?  Obviously the medication doesn’t work.  Not any of them.  They work for a bit then he crashes hard.  Argh.

Okay, I’m done venting about the docs for a moment.  But I get to go to see them tonight and I’ll be fighting again if that’s what it takes.

Now – I need to find Mary Poppins on steroids.

Love and Light,

Mon

Well let us see how last night went shall we?

I was trying to get this blog in some kinda order after changing hosts. I have a temporary Wordpress Theme up, but I like how it’s situated. Just not the colors or lack thereof. But, when I went to have fun and change stuff around the most HUGEST (is that a word?) headache hit like a ton of bricks. Oh my goodness. Then, it was so bad I felt sick. So, off the computer I went and straight to bed.

Then, the hubby comes home – bless his heart. Dotting all over me and taking care of me like the wonderful hubby he is. We watched Ghost Whisperer Season Two Disc Two – one or two episodes and I was done. I had a pounding headache and felt like crud.

Then, we got into an argument. A new one? No… more of the same thing. It didn’t end well so this morning I got on the phone and told him I was sorry. Lordy. Lordy. Being married means so many things, but one thing it means is ya can’t get away from them. LOL So you better make up.

Making up is fun actually. He’s been so wonderful lately, I guess feeling sick mixed with other stuff just set me off. No bigge – we *kissed* and made up so to speak.

It’s been rough here. He’s working so hard and my client base has dwindled due to so many things. So I’m barely making it financially. Which means, he’s doing all the work. I’m at home taking care of the house, making sure my kids get all their school stuff done, and working on the clients I have left – ’cause I love them and am very grateful to have them.

My kids are both in Independent Study now. It’s like homeschooling really. I have their schedule every day of what they need to do, I meet with their teacher once a week to get more work for them and turn in their assignments (rather, they do that – I take notes). BUT their report cards came in! WOW! It’s the biggest improvement I’ve ever seen from them. They are so proud! So is this momma.

So my husband is working away while I’m doing all of these things that are important – but, what happened to me holding my own financially? I was the sole supporter for over 10 years now I’m home? It’s a huge adjustment.

I’m starting school on the 20th of this month. I’m almost embarassed to say what for ’cause I’ve been laughed at a few times. But I’ll say it here – and let me be very clear this is what I had wanted since I was young, but babies etc. well… you know what happens to plans when you have the little ones. Okay, my major is Physics. Yes, laugh all ya want. Who knows I could change my mind. I’m already an Accountant, this would be a complete career change that will take YEARS to get to. But there are some really neat opportunities just in the first year of being an undergraduate! No laughing… okay, you can laugh. We’ll see how far this goes, but at least I can go for it!

In February I’ll be 41 years old/young. I’m so extremely excited about my 40s! It’s me time after my Stephen is graduated in June of 2010. That’s not that far away. Jimmy goes into the USMC on June 14th, and my daughter is already out and on her own. I do have my Step Son Daniel that will be 14 (OMG!) on the 11th of this month, but his momma does all the hard work with him. I just get to love him to death when we get him. So I’m almost done… wow.

Many things are going on now in my life – I just want to be sure I enjoy ever moment of it you know?

Wow, life is Grand!

Oh yes, these things we look forward to hearing huh?

NOT!

So, here’s the tail of the Pinky Toe that Attempted to Escape.

I was working in my office downstairs as my son was busy getting his homework completed so he could go out and “hit the town” as almost-18-year-olds sometimes do.  He had but one packet of work left, so he was hurrying so his buddies wouldn’t leave him.

I heard him yell “I’m done!” and then followed the sound of my 6′1″ 220lb kid running twords the stairs to get my approval and then get outta town.

*KABAM!*

I heard a very loud sound, and figured my goofy boy knocked something over.

No.

I heard “Mom! I broke my toe!”

Alas, as quickly as I could get up and run – he hobbled to the top of the stairs and sat down waiting for momma to come inspect his deed.

Oh.  My.  Gosh.

He caught it on the edge of our treadmill and broke it clean in half.  Pinky toes are never supposed to be at a right angle to their fellow toes.  Completely unnatural.

I ran up the stairs as I couldn’t take my eyes off of the toe that seemed to hang on with dear life.  I got to him, put my hand on his knee and looked up at him as my stomache made so many flip flops I couldn’t count.

“Honey?  I can’t carry you!”

I mean, when they are little and they hurt themselves you just pick them sling them over your hip and RUN like the dickens to the car for the impending emergency room visit.  But looking at his shear size (as if I never noticed he was so BIG!), I knew that wouldn’t be an option.

His face was white as a ghost, ashen even and he had begun to sweat and tremble.  Oh – great.  Shock.  Now how do I get the bugger to the car.

Talk calmly momma.

So I say “Honey?  Let’s go.  We gotta go.  Hobble down the stairs sweety, we have to go.”

His reponse?

“Mom, just call someone.”

Call someone?  Who?!  The Toe Doctor on call?!  Maybe he was thinking of the TOE TRUCK!  Oh no, must not giggle in the middle of emergency!

Me “Honey?  We have to go now, let’s go”

Him “Mom!  Just call someone!”

I really wasn’t getting anywhere… so I just yelled as I ran down the stairs to get my purse, “Let’s go NOW!”

I mean heaven’s forbid the pain was gonna hit at any moment, you know when there is a slight delay and then *BAM* pain hits like a tidle wave.

So, he somehow gets to the car – I get him to emergency and I’m pushing him through the halls to X-Ray as he’s yelling “Out of the Way!  Pinky Down!  Pinky Down!”

I even got to watch them set it.

Oh my.

Yup!  Pinky toes do NOT vear off to the opposite direction of a foot.  It’s unnatural!

Thanks for listening to my story of last weekend’s journey to ER.  I think I know the nurses by name now with how many trips between the two of my boys in the last year!

Thanks Kaiser insurance.  I love you!

Here’s some pics for you.  By the time I took the toe pics his pinky toe was vearing a bit more twords the other toes, so it’s not a total right angle in these shots.  LOL

Oh lordy…

Now this is interesting.  I found this site Cafemom, that you can join with other mommas.  Well, I qualify for something – that would be a momma for sure.  So I thought I’d join and see what’s cookin’.

I found that you can do a photo showdown (just-for-fun) and see what others vote as the best between your photo and someone else’s!  I saw so many cute pics, I just had to try.  Take a look!  This one that I’ve linked to is of my step-son Daniel J and my niece Megan.  She follows him everywhere!

While looking through photos, I came across one of Jessie Leigh (my daughter, now 19) and I restored it a bit.  I was so excited to find this!  What do you think?

Well, nuff for now.  Have a great night!