Posts Tagged ‘mean’

This seems to be video 4 in my series this week.

I’m very much looking inside of myself right now – thus all of the sappy videos.

I am so grateful for my family.  I am so grateful for my friends.  I am so grateful for my life.

This video is called “How Could Anyone” by Shaina Noll.  This brings a lump to my throat for a number of reasons.  One, and foremost it reminds me of my sister and how much I love her.  We were out of touch for over 10 years.  We found each other luckilly again and made amends for what we don’t even remember being an issue.

Please listen to this song because it can mean so many things to each person.

“How could anyone ever tell you, you were anything less than beautiful… ”

I’m an avid Heroe’s fan.  My son James and I started by watching all episodes of Season 1, then Season 2 and then ofcourse – Season 3, which just ended with this past Monday’s episode.

I have to say I totally enjoy it.  Regular people with extraordinary powers.  What a blast.  Season 4 is going to come out Feburary 2nd.  I cannot wait!

Here’s the Preview:

My son’s most FAVORITE character is Clair – the Cheerleader.  Oh yeah.  He’s in love.  Here’s a pic of my son’s dream love:

My favorite?  Oh it’s a bit scary, but it’s Sylar the creepy guy:

Yes, I love the creepy dark and handsome guys.  My hubby however, is completely the light bright sweet guy – well, he has his creepy side – don’t we all? 

For Daniel and I – well, since he moved in – um, 2005 – I’ve slowly been converting him to a Sci-Fi Freak, I mean – fan.  So far the conversion of Hubby to Trekkie is working very well.

Each night we watch one or two episodes IN BED (yes, I actually have a flipping TV in my room – argh).  First, I decided to take him through the time of Star Trek.  The first one we watched was ALL Star Trek: Enterprise series.  Yes, we own all of them.

Then we watched Star Trek Next Generation (yes, we skipped the old Kirk one, we’ve both seen it) – and yes, we own all seasons!    Then Star Trek Deep Space Nine, then we watched Star Trek Voyager.  We own all of those series too!

Then onto Battlestar Galactica Seasons 1-3 and we are anxiously awaiting Season 4!  Whoot!

Ahhhh….. the life of Sci Fi!

Ofcourse another love of mine is Paranormal.  So, had to start on Season 1 of Ghost Whisperer!

Great series.  I love the feel good TV ya know?  She assists earth bound ghosties in crossing over.  I love the sentimental part of this, and Daniel seems to enjoy as well.  Shhhh, don’t tell his guy friends. OH – that’s right, he loves it because of the hottie in this, Melinda (Jennifer Love Hewitt).  I can’t say I blame him.

Here’s the opening for Season 1 (which we just finished!)

So, that’s my wrap up of “What the Heck is Monica Watching Now?”.  Hope you enjoyed… stay tuned for the new one I just found!  Knight Rider!  Oh yeah, a mustang with guns…. gotta love it!

Happy Ho-Ho!

I was taught that everything, everything happens for a reason and I accept that.  I accept the things that hurt us are simply what we get to go through in this human experience.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not human and I don’t FEEL when things hurt.

I’m human and what I’ve seen today makes my HUMAN part so flippin’ ANGRY!

For those in Mumbai, we hear you and feel for you.  I saw the news break when me and my hubby were at lunch and I looked around the room as folks were laughing, chatting, not seeing the TV but on with their lives and mine felt like it stopped abruptly.  I have no part in any of this, I have no family there – I know now one there – but these are our brothers and sisters!  I don’t control my feelings well, and this tragedy felt like I got yanked in to misery…. not a pleasant experience!

Oh this whole terrorism cr*p gets to get buried somewhere.

I’m tired of humans being so stupid!

… argh … a vent, but it washed over me with a HUGE amount of empathy when I saw that, the news report the people…

ARGH!

PEACE PEOPLE PEACE

Why is that such a difficult concept for some humans!

::sigh::

For those in India, or anyone that’s been directly or indirectly effected (the WORLD!) – I can only send light and love to you.  But know we hear you and you are loved.

YOU ARE LOVED

… sometimes, I’m not cautious – I feel like I get pulled so strongly into feeling SO much of the world …

There are so many references on the web, Twitter, Blogs, Flickr… right now, there are still issues going on.  One link:  http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/11/26/mumbai.attacks.web.sites/index.html

From that site:

Help number

The State Department has established a Consular Call Center for Americans concerned about family or friends visiting or living in Mumbai, India. The number is 888-407-4747.

I believe there is one for Great Britain as well.

This is a bit of a rant, a bit of praise and a bit of frustration.  You see I have four children.  One, is living with his mother, he’s my step-child and I do only what a step-mother does – I love him and offer assistance when requested.  The other three are my responsibility.  One of which is 19 and in college and working.  Her father is taking care of that end – paying for college.  She doesn’t live with me.  So that narrows it to 2 I’m directly responsible for education wise.

My children – up until this year – have been enrolled in the normal public school system.  James is a senior (leaving to serve our great country as a Marine in June 2009), and the other is Stephen a junior in high school.  That’s 11th and 12th grade students in a public NORMAL California high school.  That is the number one issue – public school.

Now I hear many say the school systems are great.  Normally those are the parents of kids that are in elementary school.  By the time they hit junior high, I don’t seem to hear that much more.  Because, they (our California public schools) are not great.  Not in my opinion – and not the schools I’ve personally had any connection to.  They are overcrowded, understaffed, under budgeted… just plain under everything.

Let me make one thing clear – teachers as a whole are NOT in my category of issues.  These folks work for our children with what seems like all odds against them.  I would not begin to put them down.

James, my 12th grader – has exited out of normal high school this year and is in what is called an “Independent High School” program.  This means he meets with a teacher once a week and gets work handed to him and he has one week to complete it.  Or not.  This is an independent program.  If you don’t do the work, you are out.  Period.  So James, who didn’t do a BIT of work in the past two years, now is fully in charge of himself to learn what is needed and turn in his work.  Here starts one issue.  If he didn’t do the work before, how would he now?

I didn’t get involved in the kids schooling much.  I know, say what you must – but I didn’t.  Single mom, three kids – I was lucky to be home on time to pick them up from daycare let alone oversee hours of homework.  I would pick them up, get home and continue to work from home.  So not much guidance if any from me.

Now, James has to makeup a years worth of work – plus his senior work.  Again, this is a child that didn’t do anything in school to begin with!  Now, he’s having to double his work.  Hmmmm.

As of two weeks ago I was starting to get calls from his teacher – “James is doing poorly, he’s behind… etc. etc. etc.”.  Funny, his report card just came in with a B+ average.  So what happened?  He went back to how he normally does stuff.  He just doesn’t do it.

Well, I finally took charge.  Why now you ask?  After years of not doing a thing?  Because it’s all he’s got.  If he doesn’t graduate his military entry will be postponed.  Then, as usual – he’d fall down on himself and feel poorly and get himself even further behind.  I know my son.

Today, he met with his teacher for the normal one hour and turned in his work.  He’s got a TON left to do before next Friday’s meeting as I’m getting him caught back up and back on track.

Basically, he’s home schooled.  Not entirely, but that’s what it boils down to.  The plus side is… he’s home schooled.  No more gangs, no more girls, no more teachers screaming (yes, it’s happened).  But he’s got a long way to go this week to get back on track.

Now, enter my other child – Stephen.  He is bi-polar, rages at times, and is generally a to-himself kinda kid.  According to his doctors the last two hospitalizations were due to stress at school (bullies, deadlines etc.) and they have recommended he get out of the normal public schools as there is really no adults there to manage bullies – which is his biggest issue.  Great.  So Stephen is going to the same Independent program now as Jim.

That’s two at home doing schooling.

I work.

We can do this.

Who do I blame?  No one.  To have the kids out of the public regular high school is a huge plus to me.  The amount of drama, fights and lack of guidance only lays way to issues.  Many issues as our family has had to go through since junior high school.

The issue I see with my younger one is – if it was up to him, he’d stay away from any social type situations forever.  He’s not a people person.  Well, he’s not a mean people person and at their ages there are a lot of those.

I don’t know folks… James will be okay now that I have a handle on things, but Stephen?  How do I assist a depressed bi-polar child by keeping him at home?  I think I’m going to go onto the home schooling sites and see what kind of things we can do to get him out of the house.  I can’t believe his doctors think this will be beneficial to him in the long run.  Honestly.

High school is different now.  Much different.

I praise anyone who home schools – at least I know and understand why they don’t want them in the public school system.  It’s a genuine failure in so many ways.  I feel like somewhere with all of the “universal healthcare” and “my company is flopping bail us out” crud – we seem to have completely forgotten the children.  Our future is the kids and they are going to colleges in spite of what they’ve learned in high school – not because of it in many cases.

If you know of any good sites for home schooling, please leave them in the comments.  Stephen could certainly use it!

Thanks for listening/reading to my vent.

Love and Light,

A Momma

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First, a huge amount of gratitude to those that have commented, emailed and given their love and support in the times I’ve had in the last week.

I have had Stephen read the comments and he teared up.  He’s 16 but can be touched by kind hearts and beautiful words.  Thank you.

He is starting his own blog, and I’ll link here when he’s got it a bit under control.

Second, if there is anyone else out there that is empathic at all – I ask you this – how heavy are you feeling now?

Those reading may not believe in what I do, and that’s a blessing because varied views are beautiful and learning experiences for us all!

Let me tell you where I’m at right this moment as a 40 year old lady, living in the U.S. on this planet Earth in this Solar System and a part of the Universe:

I’m fighting to keep my world full of light, and love and stillness.

Although I’ve dealt with emotional ups and downs this last week – I can tell you that isn’t all that is creating a difficult situation in my spirit.

In the U.S. we have so many crisis’s right now.  From the election, to the financial “Wholly Heck”, to the day to day issues of homelessness, abuse and suffering.

In the World we have suffering, war, and hate.

On Earth we have a general tone of “oh well, someone will fix it later”.

*We* does not mean each individual by the way, there are many doing what they can in each instance.  But not the whole.

Mahatma Ghandi has a quote I attempt to live my life by every day and I do fall short most days unfortunately:

Be the change you want to see in the world.

That doesn’t mean look to someone to change it.  It does truly mean for you to be the change you wish for.  It starts with each of us.

With that said, there isn’t many American’s right now that aren’t having great angst and fear around this election.  Both the Obama side and the McCain side of voters actually FEAR the other getting into office.  Why?  It’s because of our media and mis-information being thrown at you. These two are men.  Humans like us.  They will each do the best they can to assist this country.  Neither is as bad as each side paints them to be.

I can say I’ve personally seen things that make me question the integrity and sincerity of both sides.  Enough to make me wonder who to “write in” on the ballot.  Then I catch myself.

Folks, either candidate will be perfect.

If that statement jolts you from the inside and you want to SCREAM “it’s not so” – then I urge you to look inside and ask yourself what your true fear is.  Take a deep look at what you fear and work on that.  Yourself.

Whoever gets elected is going to have a tough year ahead of them.  It’s just where we are at right now.

I get that lately – many folks are going to need therapy in heavy doses after this election.

It will all be okay.

It will all just *be* and that is perfect.

Please get yourself to a place of calmness, stillness and light if you are currently in fear, stressed or generally off balance.  At the very least, if you are feeling this way – take a look at it.

It feels to me that the world is going faster and faster and folks are attempting to move away from it, not with it.

It will all be okay… really.  It will be perfect.

Love and Light to everyone that reads this.  You are loved.

Monica

This really ticked me off this morning, and not much does that.

While looking for information on Ike and how the folks there are fairing, I had to actually SEARCH for information.  Search for more in-depth info, ’cause all the headlines are something to do with Palin, Pigs with Lipstick, McCain, Obama… you name it!

I want to know how my fellow U.S.A. brothers and sisters are!  Not who said what, why they said it, and who should be president!  Argh!  Ya’ll are making me a bit off kilter with this election!

I’m so tired of the presidential CRUD!

I’m not seeing much at all except from info from last night, and maybe a bit from today.  I’m sure it’s out there somewhere – but I think this shows how cold and one tracked some media agencies are getting.  All they want is the new “who bashed who” info.  This American is sick of it!

Sorry for the rant….  but I’m highly ANTI-MEDIA lately and this just added to it.  By Media I mean mainstream ABC, NBC, FOX, CNN… etc.

Does anyone know how it’s going over there in Ike’s path?  I have heard Ike slowed down to 80mph winds so far…. but what about what was left in it’s path?

Again, I’m sure it’s out there in the internet universe but I don’t have the patience to wade through the presidential fight crud!

Love and Light ~ I’ll go meditate now.

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I’m 40, and I don’t feel old.  Old would be 90 perhaps.  Not 40.

I smoke, have for a long time.  Disgusting, I know.  But I smoke.

On Friday, a first happened for me.  I was called “The Mean Ugly Old White Lady” by 3 children and their father.

Here’s how that went.

I was standing in a handicap parking lot space outside of the hotel (the Friday night fun night!) instructing my hubby on where the night of mystery was gonna be and what to do when he got there.  (It was a blow your socks off night!  Well planned out, I might add).

I was standing in the parking space because I was outside of the hotel having a cigarrette chatting on the phone.  If I smoke, I do it more than 20 feet from the door, in California there are laws on where to smoke.  I understand and abide by them happily.

After my phone call I looked up and noticed a Mercedes Benz with it’s blinkers on clearly waiting for me to move out of the space their were trying to pull into!

Ooops!

I hurry out of the way and made sure I was quite a bit away from the car.

Out popped three little kids with their hands over their faces.  I didn’t notice as I was yelling at the dad “Goodness, I’m sorry.  I completely zoned!”.  Smiling my usual smile and waving at him in apology.

Things happened a bit quick from there.

He said:  Yeah, well we are more concerned about your smoking.

Me: My what? (not sure if I heard him right, I’m quite a bit aways from them)

He said:  Hurry kids, get away from her and run to the door!  (not kidding here, he sounded like I had a gun)

Me:  Um…. (remember, I’m pretty far from them and they are entering a hotel with smoking rooms ~ so they aren’t getting to safety runnin’ inside of there!)

He said:  Cover your face kids!

Me:  Okaaaaay (I backed up even further, although the smoke was going the opposite direction of them – all I could do is watch while the kids covered their faces, but stuck their tongues out at me yelling “gross” “she’s gross” “daddy hurry up!”)

He said:  Yeah well (turning to me) they teach them this in school (almost, although not quite, apologetically)

He brought the kids inside after they gave me dirty looks and he just laughed and encouraged them to look at the gross smoking lady.

I was dumbfounded.

Not at the fear of smoke, although – that’s a bit over the top.  But I get that, if they don’t like it now maybe they won’t pick up the filthy habit.

But at the fact a parent did not reprimand their child for treating a human, a perfect stranger, like dirt.  I’ve seen it happen around me and it disgusts me.  But to really pay attention to the little ones that night, it hurt my heart that beautiful souls are being taught at such a young age that being mean to someone is okay and simply part of your day.  That left me in disbelief at the door. It’s only the beginning for these little ones I’m afraid.

As I walked upstairs thanking myself for raising children that don’t see race, physical limitations, or anything out of their norm as something they use against people – I heard the family through the door and stopped for a moment just outside.

The kids were telling their mum I suppose of the event.  But what I heard was this:

The dad was agreeing “yup!” after everything each of the kids were saying.  The mum was saying “I should go down there and kick her butt (different word used).”

The children were telling a tale of a “Mean.  Ugly Old White Lady downstairs smoking at the door and not letting them in.  She was blowing smoke at these poor little kids.  This Mean Ugly Old White Lady was giving them dirty looks and threatening them.”

Oh.  My.  Gosh.

She promptly said she was calling the manager and complaining about the Mean Ugly Old White Lady and the kids were happy and yelling “yeah!”.

The father never corrected their story.  He laughed and described how ugly I was.  I’m not joking.

I’m left with being the Mean Ugly Old White Lady at the Holiday Inn Express.

Hi there!  I took a “tag” of sorts from Titania over at Finding Life’s Enchantments 38 Things About Me.  I’ve never been tagged for a meme and thought it would be interesting.  Well, interesting to do… not necessarily to read.  LOL  Hope you get some info…

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
My husband and kids when we were talking about my eyes burning… not sure why that was funny, but they sure made me giggle.

2. What were you doing at 0800?
Today at 0800 I was sitting in the waiting room while my son was in at the doctors.  I was reading something about gangs and violence in the US in one of the magizines they throw on a table there.  There are over 700,000 members of gangs in the US.  I had no idea…

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Cancelling our arrangements to stay somewhere else other than our poor house.  We were told to vacate ’cause of the water damage and the machinery (er, sounds like an airplane is in our house getting ready to take off… “what? I can’t hear you!”).  However, the kids had mini panic attacks at the thought of staying nights in a local motel and having to leave our dog here by his little lonesome!  So here we stay… “what?  did you say something?  I can’t hear you!”

4. What happened to you in 2006?
I got married to Daniel whom I’ve known for about 17 years.  We’ve dated, er… or seen eachother on and off for um… (counting on fingers) well, since 11/2004 I suppose.  Married 5/2006.  I had been with him on dates and such when me and my ex broke up in 2002 and 2003 and prior to that… but when I was with my boyfriend we didn’t see eachother ofcourse… I’m very committed in my relationships.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
“Sammy honey, you okay?”  My black lab is trying to find somehwere the house to lay down that won’t blow his fur off.  (huge fans and dehumidifiers)

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Two – water and my latte… OH I need to make some coffee!

7. What colour is your hairbrush?
Which one?  Let’s see… black handle and bristles with copper kinda to assist in drying, pink with white bristles, larger ones, smaller ones… all pink/blue/black, round ones flat ones

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Mortgage!  Whooooooooo Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

9. Where were you last night?
Driving around with my kids and hubby trying to find somewhere to sleep.  We came back home…   No vacancies out here?  That’s nearly impossible we are in farmer’s country!

10. What colour is your front door?
RED!  Oh I’ve always wanted a red door.

11. Where do you keep your change?
Er, bottom of my purse, huge empty water jug, misc cans or glasses… I really should turn it all in ya know

12. What’s the weather like today?
Absolutely beautiful, clear skies and 70s

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavour?
Being an ex Baskin Robbins employee (yes, teen years!) I have to say I loooooooove Peanut Butter and Chocolate and that’s tied with Chocolate Fudge

14. What excites you?
Nature.  Seriously… trees, moss, dirt, sky, clouds, rain… you name it.  And… my hubby

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope, nada… no way.  I cut mine short a while back.  My daughter was very clear in saying “but momma, you never like it short”.  I didn’t listen and cut it.  Thankfully, it’s growing… ::sigh:: the things we do.

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Oh yes… you betcha.  40 in February.  Whooot!

17. Do you talk a lot?
Um, heck ya!    With long periods of silence as well just to throw folks off… “oh she’s sure quite… wait, maybe not…”

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
Not sure what that means… overly cautious, outwardly cookoo?  I think you mean the TV show.  I don’t watch TV. 

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
My 15 year old – Stephen.  As for the name precisely “Steven” well, yes… I had a friend in training named Steven.

20. Do you make up your own words?
snookiepup snickerlicious

21. Are you a jealous person?
I see the word “jealous” as meaning that you want something someone else has.  With that definition… nope.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’
Audra – Haven’t seen her since I was in my early 20s.

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’
Kevin

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
My husband, Daniel

25. What does the last text message you received say
“First study and second finish guided reading”  – my eldest son text msgs me his homework every day so we don’t forget it when he gets home

26. Do you chew on your straw?
Nope…. well, hmmm… nope.

27. Do you have curly hair?
Not curly, but quite wavy actually.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Not sure.  I’m at the whim of my husband.  (I can’t drive yet)   Sunday though I have tickets to see John Holland and Lisa Williams in San Francisco with my bestest friend Dawn.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Trouble is… the person probably doesn’t know how rude or mean she is.  I’d rather not say… but she is quite hurtful.   I just send love and light and get over it.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Last night, chinese food.

31. Will you get married in the future?
Already married to the love of my life

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Eragon

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
Like – Life and everything that’s in this life

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
1 hour ago

35. Are you currently depressed?
Not depressed, but definately drained of positive energy.  I work on it daily.  2007 has been a whole like of life happening.

36. Did you cry today?
Nada

37. Why did you answer and post this?
Titania was curious so… thought I’d satisfy that a bit. 

38. Tag 5 people you want to do this survey.
Guilty Secret, My Daughter Jessica, Sexy Magic, Ruby Shooz and TESS!