Posts Tagged ‘life’

First, a huge amount of gratitude to those that have commented, emailed and given their love and support in the times I’ve had in the last week.

I have had Stephen read the comments and he teared up.  He’s 16 but can be touched by kind hearts and beautiful words.  Thank you.

He is starting his own blog, and I’ll link here when he’s got it a bit under control.

Second, if there is anyone else out there that is empathic at all – I ask you this – how heavy are you feeling now?

Those reading may not believe in what I do, and that’s a blessing because varied views are beautiful and learning experiences for us all!

Let me tell you where I’m at right this moment as a 40 year old lady, living in the U.S. on this planet Earth in this Solar System and a part of the Universe:

I’m fighting to keep my world full of light, and love and stillness.

Although I’ve dealt with emotional ups and downs this last week – I can tell you that isn’t all that is creating a difficult situation in my spirit.

In the U.S. we have so many crisis’s right now.  From the election, to the financial “Wholly Heck”, to the day to day issues of homelessness, abuse and suffering.

In the World we have suffering, war, and hate.

On Earth we have a general tone of “oh well, someone will fix it later”.

*We* does not mean each individual by the way, there are many doing what they can in each instance.  But not the whole.

Mahatma Ghandi has a quote I attempt to live my life by every day and I do fall short most days unfortunately:

Be the change you want to see in the world.

That doesn’t mean look to someone to change it.  It does truly mean for you to be the change you wish for.  It starts with each of us.

With that said, there isn’t many American’s right now that aren’t having great angst and fear around this election.  Both the Obama side and the McCain side of voters actually FEAR the other getting into office.  Why?  It’s because of our media and mis-information being thrown at you. These two are men.  Humans like us.  They will each do the best they can to assist this country.  Neither is as bad as each side paints them to be.

I can say I’ve personally seen things that make me question the integrity and sincerity of both sides.  Enough to make me wonder who to “write in” on the ballot.  Then I catch myself.

Folks, either candidate will be perfect.

If that statement jolts you from the inside and you want to SCREAM “it’s not so” – then I urge you to look inside and ask yourself what your true fear is.  Take a deep look at what you fear and work on that.  Yourself.

Whoever gets elected is going to have a tough year ahead of them.  It’s just where we are at right now.

I get that lately – many folks are going to need therapy in heavy doses after this election.

It will all be okay.

It will all just *be* and that is perfect.

Please get yourself to a place of calmness, stillness and light if you are currently in fear, stressed or generally off balance.  At the very least, if you are feeling this way – take a look at it.

It feels to me that the world is going faster and faster and folks are attempting to move away from it, not with it.

It will all be okay… really.  It will be perfect.

Love and Light to everyone that reads this.  You are loved.

Monica

We raise our children in the hopes that no pain will befall them.

I personally cringe when one of my children stubs even a small toe.

To see our children in pain feels like an unjust thrust upon us from the Universe.

We know that cry when they are small, it’s not a whine or complaint – it’s the “mommy I need you now” cry.

What about when they are teens?

The teen “cry” is different.

At times it is almost mute, and you have to listen intently to hear their cries.

My son has once again cried out and has now been hospitalized.

Again.

This time last year he attempted suicide bringing the family to a stillness I never want to re-live.

This time, he reached out for assistance before the overdose, cutting and police SWAT team that we lived through last year.

I know in my heart this is simply something my son gets to go through.

As his mother, I can tell you with ever breath I take – I do not like it one bit.

Why couldn’t it be that they could just go through life with love, peace and happiness?

I suppose, that wouldn’t be life here would it?

Teen suicide is ridiculously high.  I even hear some folks joke about it – I’m not sure I get the joke.  Nor do I wish to.

He was diagnosed last year with Bi-Polar with Psychotic Episodes.  His medication has been working up until now – or apparently 3 weeks before now as we are finding out.

As his mom, I would just like to ask the Universe to let him be.

Let him feel calm, still, and happy with himself.

I’ll be on and off for a bit, this blog is – after all – a source of my therapy.  Don’t wig out if I’m still cheery, I just had to get some of it off my heart in this post.  My outlook on all things in life is positive.  Even those things that seem to pull my heart right out of my chest.

He’ll come home happy and healthy as he did last time – I just know it.

Love and Healing Light to all of you ~ Monica

My Son Stephen 2007-09-28

Update on Stephen 2007-10-07

Stephen June 2007

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My son has requested that I place his writings up on my site for my readers to comment on or at least read.  He’s a heavy writer, and it seems that journaling while he’s hospitalized feels good to him.  Although I haven’t read it yet, I’ll see what I can do to set up a page for him and either type exactly as he has it, or I’ll perhaps place portions of it up.  I’ll post here when I create it.

(photos and graphics other than my son were found from Photobucket – just type “teen”)

Oh pooh! I don’t remember who had this up!

Jeeze, there I go clickin’ to quick!

Anywho… thanks to whomever found this fun thing!  Hugs and Love at ya!

So, here’s my contribution to a little fun stuff…. A OK?

You Are an “A-OK”

Your life philosophy can be summed up as, “Whatever will be, will be.” Your greatest wish is to live each day a little better than the next. You are naturally calm and stable. Some people would call you a rock. You feel one with the world. You are a spiritual person, though no one who knows you would guess it.

… if you can take a moment, please goto:  http://hasanyonetoldyou.com/

Annie ~ at Loving Annie has this on a post, I took a moment to go there and I feel so good!

So, has anyone told you…. ?

Thank you Annie for that warm feeling and happiness I feel right now.

I hope others will take a moment.

I’ll give you a bit of my belief for a moment.  I am a spiritual being having a physical experience. I personally believe we live our lives here to *learn*.  I do not believe in a heaven or hell.  I believe that when we die we are all together in our spiritual light – all of us.  Yes, even those you would think or perhaps *hope* would be in hell – they are just as beautiful and as pure as we are in a spiritual sense.

With that said, there are many times I get caught in a cycle of “What Now?”.  Meaning, I know I came here to learn, but sometimes I get confused as to what it is I’m learning.  Right now, I’m in that state of confusion.

I’ll get out of this, but in the meantime I feel as if everything I say doesn’t make sense.  It’s like I’m speaking jibberish.  Literally as I speak to others they turn away, cut me off, or just walk away as if I’m not speaking.  It’s an odd feeling.  I’d say I’ve got some energies stuck somewhere.

I wish my sanctuary outside didn’t get destroyed by the wind.  I really could balance there.

Well….

I’ve had so many things happen in my life since late 2004 that to be very honest, I haven’t felt balanced at all.

Adjusting to married life has been a bit difficult for me to be very honest.  I’m so used to my independence – not with dating others, but just doing what I want when I want.

Like for instance, working in the yard at night.  Sounds easy enough, but I’d always feel so guilty when I wasn’t inside the house making sure my husband was okay.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s from my prior marriage when I was really young.  I was only doing what my husband would do… you know?

So I’ve been cutting the cord so to speak.  I joined SAR (search and rescue) and that’s my time (and my puppy’s!), I’m planning trips without the hubby… just me and the kids, like we used to.  I’ve been out in the yard listening to the frogs and crickets while planting and replanting… these are parts of who I am.

I enjoy traveling.  I enjoy the outdoors.  I enjoy my children.  I enjoy my hubby, but we do get to keep who we are as individuals.  I even GLADLY pushed him into buying his newest vehicle – a 1972 Gran Torino and he’s been at the shop working on it quite a bit.  YEAH!  He’s stopped that for years and years and has finally pulled that part of him back up.  I’m SO glad!

I have missed who I am and have been slowly but surely working to get myself back.  I’m a wife, mother, business owner, sister, daughter, granddaughter, neice, friend, acquaintance, neighbor, volunteer – but underneath all of that, I’m Monica.

I’ve missed Monica.

Hugs to all of you.

~Monica~

… married but still free …

While we were at the Art Festival yesterday I caught a few photos that I’d like to share specially.  Although I took so many that you’ll probobly be sick of them after awhile ( hee hee ) these are some I wanted to share.

This tree has a single red rose in full bloom under it, although I’m not going to show you that, I will show you the *marker* that is under the tree. 

Homelessness is prevelant everywhere it seems.  Some cities allow it, some – like where I live, the homeless are chased out so that it doesn’t become a *problem*. 

This lady was sitting in the lawn area at the festival just watching people. 

I went to her and had a cigarette with her and talked to her for some time.  She was a very sweet and very interesting lady!  For whatever reasons she ended up without a home.  She told me of her sons, her life, and her outlook on life.  She is a very special spirit to be sure.  I was glad to have met her.

The day was outstanding, the people and scenery were amazing, and my company – my dear husband – couldn’t have been more perfect.

Love and Light,

~Monica~

According to Wikipedia marriage is:

“Marriage is a personal union of individuals. This union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is called a wedding and the status created is sometimes called wedlock.”

According to Monica, marriage is:

“An agreement by two people (no, I DON’T care if it’s same sex fer cryin’ out loud!  that dispute is getting old to me… sheesh):

• combine assets,
• allow the other full access to your heart (yes, even the potential to hurt one another),
• publicly announce you are taken (jeeze, this one was like putting out an announcement in the paper – or maybe we should have),
• to love the other one – even when you are angrier than a bull getting messed with by a guy with a red blanket,
• to not leave or announce DIVORCE ’cause you just can’t take it anymore
• to respect eachother’s lives (yes, we actually DO still have our own lives)
• to deal with the other’s families, even if you aren’t sure why they do what they do (not my hubbies family ofcourse)

to learn, to love, through sickness and health – ’till death do us part kinda thing”

So, after having our 2 year wedding anniversary I can say we’ve done all of the above.

What is a marriage that works?  To me, it’s one you keep working on.

I was married once before, so was he.  His lasted longer than mine… mine lasted all of 6 years.  Enough time to have my beautiful children and thank my ex-husband for the time I had with him.  It wasn’t a pretty breakup, but very quiet – we just gave up.

Daniel and I work hard sometimes on our marriage.  He came in to a family – me and three children.  I took on him and his son.  He is a neat freak, I’m messier than all heck.  He is a perfectionist with money… me?  Well… I have some and my kids are fed and I was always able to pay the bills and keep what I had, that’s all that mattered to me.

We are so different in so many ways.  SO many ways.  I talk to my ex-boyfriend once in awhile, he talks to his ex-wife almost daily.  His ex-girlfriend reads my blog, my ex-boyfriend reads my MySpace.

He is a great provider, a wonderful step-father, and great other things. 

So what do I feel today that’s different than when he and I first started this relationship?  I feel secure, happy, and at peace.

There are days when both of us wonder “what next?”.

Today we just get to *be*.

I love my husband and am glad we fought so hard to be together.  We each left people with broken hearts to come together.  They just weren’t the ones we were to share our lives with.

According to Monica ~ Marriage:  A Union of Two Spirits that Chose to Come Together In This Life to Learn with Eachother

~Monica~

What would happen if we all simply cared about one another – no issues, no anger, no hatred for what we don’t understand… I think it would be nice.

Search and Rescue training has been going very well.  It’s a great group and I’m lucky to have found them.  Still waiting on my puppy.

This weekend was fun, it was me, my hubby, my sons and our 3 year old lab – Sammy out on a hike.  Beautiful day.  Here’s some pics.

It was a bit overcast, but still beautiful as nature always is.

A beautiful peacock was so nice to hold still for me as I crept twords him with a camera in hand.

The boys trotting along.

Otherwise, it’s just life here.  Nothing of event – just loving life.

Peace.

Monica

I’ve had many “dreams” or “pulls” in my life ~ always towards a life purpose. I have children, one purpose in my life was obviously to be a momma to 3 and a step mom to one. Another purpose was to take Daniel as my husband, there was plenty of Universal Guidance at play with that one (believe me!).

So why have I felt like I haven’t done what I’m supposed to be doing in another aspect of my life?

I’m an accountant and small business adviser. I’m even a database gal too! I own my own business. But does being in that career give me a purpose? No. Sadly, no.

No one is going to be all the better in their “life” if I do their books, banking, or database. They may be able to go home at night without worrying about tasks, but does it contribute to their welfare? Nope. Again, sadly, no.

So what’s missing? I have a huge VOID in my life. I’ll explain a bit of Monica 101 to you.

1) Graduating from High School I was signed up for a 7 year agreement with the Air Force. My scores were high, and I could choose certain career paths. I chose a Security K9 Specialist. That would have meant, (as long as it held), I would get a dog and train for anything… bombs, narcotics, firearms… etc. I was SO completely excited as my date to leave approached. Sadly, again… something happened to get me OUT of the military. I won’t go too much into it, but suffice it to say when I could actually enter – I was 7 weeks pregnant. Doh!

2) After having babies and such I began a massive amount of applications, ride-alongs, testing for Police departments. By that time my brother was an officer, and the two of us would have just been in the same career. Hey, that was right down the same alley and perhaps I could go into investigations for a city or K9 unit! Obviously, that wasn’t the way the Universe decided I should go so a certain issue came up and OUT of that I was.

3) … the here and now – investigating into SAR K9. This is search and rescue K9 team. Completely volunteer!

I’m at #3 now. I’ve contacted the local CARDA chapter and one of the trainers contacted me back and took time with me explaining the different disciplines. The work of being a volunteer Search and Rescue team is quite tough, and the trainings are 2x a week with you and your dog. Not to mention the certifications that are required of course. Red Cross certs, First Responder 80 hour training + ALOT MORE! It takes about 2 years for you and your dog to be “Mission Ready”. It’s a serious commitment to be sure and one I don’t take lightly.

I cannot tell you how completely excited I am about reaching towards this venture and perhaps life long endeavor. I’m going on Sunday with them to a training in the hills and brush nearby. I’ll be bringing my hiking boots, backpack and ever curious mind. I am so completely EXCITED!

I had contacted this group about 7 years or so ago and realized at that time that being a single momma and getting called out for a search in the middle of the night (you KNOW that’s when they happen. ) I’d have an issue with the kids. So I decided with the guidance from the team member that waiting until they were older would be a much better position to be in.

So here I am. Researching everything I possibly can regarding what type of searches I need to be trained for. Happy that my car can get me to Longitude and Latitude coordinates, ’cause that’s how they give out locations for trainings… LOL Phew.

Excitement aside ~ I have been asked for years why this is something I’ve wanted to do. I mean being in the Wilderness perhaps, or at a recent disaster, searching for folks in need – yes Dead or alive by the way. Many friends and family have always asked “why would you do that?”. I have searched for the words to explain and I guess it boils down to ~

For me it would be a privilege to serve others in this way.

As for the dog, they know of breeders for GSDs (German Shepards) which is the breed I’m most interested for this. Although, I keep looking at Sammy and his nose of doom (seriously you cannot hide from this dog!) wondering if it wouldn’t be an idea to see what he’s capable of. Who knows, I’m not at that point yet.

I’ll blog on how it went and if I could keep up!

Love and Light to you and yours,

Monica