Posts Tagged ‘life’

I’ve always expressed how I’m feeling and what I want through music, although I don’t recommend anyone listening to all of these at once ( ) it’s just how I’m feeling now.

This seems to be video 4 in my series this week.

I’m very much looking inside of myself right now – thus all of the sappy videos.

I am so grateful for my family.  I am so grateful for my friends.  I am so grateful for my life.

This video is called “How Could Anyone” by Shaina Noll.  This brings a lump to my throat for a number of reasons.  One, and foremost it reminds me of my sister and how much I love her.  We were out of touch for over 10 years.  We found each other luckilly again and made amends for what we don’t even remember being an issue.

Please listen to this song because it can mean so many things to each person.

“How could anyone ever tell you, you were anything less than beautiful… ”

For those that don’t know – I have a child that has gone through depression, attempted suicide, told he was Bi-Polar – yadda yadda.  He leads a rough life at times.  But he’s not alone.  There are family members that each have to deal with their portion of his difficulties – mom, brothers, sister… etc.  We all deal with it in ways that are perfect for each of us.

We aren’t alone either, there are many many kids and their families that go through tough spots in life.  The families are sometimes the only ones standing strong for these kids because we know their true beauty and goodness inside.  Others, we find, steer clear because they don’t know how to deal with it.

I am asking that everyone Stumble this post if you do enjoy it – it is the wish of the teen that wrote this that others that may be in the same situation get some reality that they aren’t alone!

The following is a wonderful (tear jerker for me) poem that a teen wrote about his own experience as a brother (a twin brother no less) of a young man that is going through something very close to what my Stephen endures.

The following was given to many just to read, and those that could find themselves in his shoes have been praising the writing.  If you wouldn’t mind getting this out there for this young man (I will not name him unless his mother approves).  He wants others to know they aren’t alone!

It is okay to copy this to give to others, but you cannot copy and use it as your own.  Simply refer back to this post as the originator and that is fine.  Do not publish this unless you receive permission (just email me, I will ask the mother and the boy for you) through this site.

Again, please Stumble this or whatever way you can if you enjoy it.  This deserves to find it’s way to those that will benefit.

You Have To Be His Brother To Understand

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

This is my fourth Valentine’s Day with my husband, Daniel.  We were married May of 2006, and dated off an on since November 2004.  I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge this man and how much I love him.

He went from having one child and a quaint life to being the head of a household of then 4 kids, his – the youngest.  He went through the trials of me and my daughter before she moved out.  He went through the trials of one of my son’s just not truly engaging in school and feeling lost.  He continues to go through my youngest’s mental health issues.  Although sometimes he says it’s about all he can take – he continues on.  I respect and admire this man who took on so much when he had the slow and calm life before.

With all of the issues my husband has dealt with by marrying me, I’ve given him the three most important *beings* in my life.  My children.  It’s a gift I would not have given to just anyone.  Although there is drama – there is more love than someone could ever imagine if they were not living it.

He has provided for us, loved us, and generally put up with us.  That’s quite amazing.  On the other side… I’ve put up with him as well.  That’s marriage and it’s what we signed up for.  I’ve been so busy with work, sleep (boy I’m tired!) and Stephen – that I haven’t had much time for my hubby.  We are making time tomorrow which will be wonderful, even though it’s storming.  Hey, storms are romantic.

While we venture closer to our wedding anniversary I can honestly say it’s been a wonderful ride.  I love him very much and thought I’d tell him here as well as together tomorrow for Valentines Day.

He sent me flowers to my job today.  I got to put the beautiful roses in my cubbie and feel loved publicly.  Very nice indeed.

I love you Daniel, thank you for taking on this adventure with me.  Happy Valentines Day.

Love,

Monnie

The word *me*, or the word *my*, or the word *I* – it’s just a word in a language that I use.

That may sound outlandish.  Ofcourse me, my, myself, I is – ME!  I’m finding it’s definitely not who you are.  It is a word in a language to associate something, someone, some form with an identifier.

Am I losing *you*?

As of late, I’ve learned about something called *the ego*.  It is what talks to me, what tells me what things are, or what is true, or what is right or wrong – AS *I* PERCEIVE IT.  It’s that voice in my head identifying every living, non-living form on this planet for *me* to understand.  Neurological Bar Coding it seems.

Does *me* fully explain what my BEING is?  Absolutely not.  I am more in depth than a word of two letters.  I am energy, I am light, I am from this universe – I am infinite.  How then could the word *me* begin to explain anything?  It falls so very short of what is the BEING inside of this physical form.

Can you imagine breaking free of the definitions you place on things? It’s possible that you can’t.

Think for a moment if you can be still…..

A tree is:  *Tree* right?  Well, it is energy as well.  It is living (at times), it protects the birds in their nest, it gives you joy when you look at it, it grows from this planet.  Does the word *Tree* begin to define what that form is?  Nope – just sit under one in the shade on a hot day and look at it.  Really look at it.  The word doesn’t BEGIN to define it.

There is so much to learn in this life, and I’m enjoying learning it all.

I’m currently reading “A New Earth: Finding Your Life’s Purpose” by Echart Tolle.  I cannot tell you enough how good this book is thusfar.  Read it, or don’t.  This isn’t an ad.

Well let us see how last night went shall we?

I was trying to get this blog in some kinda order after changing hosts. I have a temporary Wordpress Theme up, but I like how it’s situated. Just not the colors or lack thereof. But, when I went to have fun and change stuff around the most HUGEST (is that a word?) headache hit like a ton of bricks. Oh my goodness. Then, it was so bad I felt sick. So, off the computer I went and straight to bed.

Then, the hubby comes home – bless his heart. Dotting all over me and taking care of me like the wonderful hubby he is. We watched Ghost Whisperer Season Two Disc Two – one or two episodes and I was done. I had a pounding headache and felt like crud.

Then, we got into an argument. A new one? No… more of the same thing. It didn’t end well so this morning I got on the phone and told him I was sorry. Lordy. Lordy. Being married means so many things, but one thing it means is ya can’t get away from them. LOL So you better make up.

Making up is fun actually. He’s been so wonderful lately, I guess feeling sick mixed with other stuff just set me off. No bigge – we *kissed* and made up so to speak.

It’s been rough here. He’s working so hard and my client base has dwindled due to so many things. So I’m barely making it financially. Which means, he’s doing all the work. I’m at home taking care of the house, making sure my kids get all their school stuff done, and working on the clients I have left – ’cause I love them and am very grateful to have them.

My kids are both in Independent Study now. It’s like homeschooling really. I have their schedule every day of what they need to do, I meet with their teacher once a week to get more work for them and turn in their assignments (rather, they do that – I take notes). BUT their report cards came in! WOW! It’s the biggest improvement I’ve ever seen from them. They are so proud! So is this momma.

So my husband is working away while I’m doing all of these things that are important – but, what happened to me holding my own financially? I was the sole supporter for over 10 years now I’m home? It’s a huge adjustment.

I’m starting school on the 20th of this month. I’m almost embarassed to say what for ’cause I’ve been laughed at a few times. But I’ll say it here – and let me be very clear this is what I had wanted since I was young, but babies etc. well… you know what happens to plans when you have the little ones. Okay, my major is Physics. Yes, laugh all ya want. Who knows I could change my mind. I’m already an Accountant, this would be a complete career change that will take YEARS to get to. But there are some really neat opportunities just in the first year of being an undergraduate! No laughing… okay, you can laugh. We’ll see how far this goes, but at least I can go for it!

In February I’ll be 41 years old/young. I’m so extremely excited about my 40s! It’s me time after my Stephen is graduated in June of 2010. That’s not that far away. Jimmy goes into the USMC on June 14th, and my daughter is already out and on her own. I do have my Step Son Daniel that will be 14 (OMG!) on the 11th of this month, but his momma does all the hard work with him. I just get to love him to death when we get him. So I’m almost done… wow.

Many things are going on now in my life – I just want to be sure I enjoy ever moment of it you know?

Wow, life is Grand!

I’m an avid Heroe’s fan.  My son James and I started by watching all episodes of Season 1, then Season 2 and then ofcourse – Season 3, which just ended with this past Monday’s episode.

I have to say I totally enjoy it.  Regular people with extraordinary powers.  What a blast.  Season 4 is going to come out Feburary 2nd.  I cannot wait!

Here’s the Preview:

My son’s most FAVORITE character is Clair – the Cheerleader.  Oh yeah.  He’s in love.  Here’s a pic of my son’s dream love:

My favorite?  Oh it’s a bit scary, but it’s Sylar the creepy guy:

Yes, I love the creepy dark and handsome guys.  My hubby however, is completely the light bright sweet guy – well, he has his creepy side – don’t we all? 

For Daniel and I – well, since he moved in – um, 2005 – I’ve slowly been converting him to a Sci-Fi Freak, I mean – fan.  So far the conversion of Hubby to Trekkie is working very well.

Each night we watch one or two episodes IN BED (yes, I actually have a flipping TV in my room – argh).  First, I decided to take him through the time of Star Trek.  The first one we watched was ALL Star Trek: Enterprise series.  Yes, we own all of them.

Then we watched Star Trek Next Generation (yes, we skipped the old Kirk one, we’ve both seen it) – and yes, we own all seasons!    Then Star Trek Deep Space Nine, then we watched Star Trek Voyager.  We own all of those series too!

Then onto Battlestar Galactica Seasons 1-3 and we are anxiously awaiting Season 4!  Whoot!

Ahhhh….. the life of Sci Fi!

Ofcourse another love of mine is Paranormal.  So, had to start on Season 1 of Ghost Whisperer!

Great series.  I love the feel good TV ya know?  She assists earth bound ghosties in crossing over.  I love the sentimental part of this, and Daniel seems to enjoy as well.  Shhhh, don’t tell his guy friends. OH – that’s right, he loves it because of the hottie in this, Melinda (Jennifer Love Hewitt).  I can’t say I blame him.

Here’s the opening for Season 1 (which we just finished!)

So, that’s my wrap up of “What the Heck is Monica Watching Now?”.  Hope you enjoyed… stay tuned for the new one I just found!  Knight Rider!  Oh yeah, a mustang with guns…. gotta love it!

Happy Ho-Ho!

WOW!  Normally I don’t promote Contests of any kind, but there were SO many sponsors (me too!) that I just had to get this out there.  I’m entering now – ’cause well, just because.  LOL

This was taken directly from chethstudios and is all information for the contest.  Oh good luck!

Yes! it is a big contest for a big occasion, this contest need no more explanation titled as “Christmas and New Year Bash!” chethstudios tries to bring out a big contest celebrating this moment.
We are launching this contest to celebrate Christmas and New Year! We totally have 50,000 Entrecard Credits to be won along with loads of 125 x 125 AD spaces for 10 Lucky winners! + 3 special prizes!

And here i would like to thank all the sponsors for the overwhelming support given to make this contest a BIG one! And yes, since the winners will be selected randomly using random.org I would ask the sponsors too can take part .

PRIZES:

#1 (15,000 EC credits, $5 , Ad Spaces, Blog consulting)
5000 EC Credits worth $30 sponsored by: chethstudios
3000 EC Credits worth $18 sponsored by:anshuldudeja
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#10 (1,000 EC credits, Ad Spaces)
500 EC Credits worth $3 sponsored by:Walt Disney World Auditions
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125 ?125 ad spot for 1 month at:artistikz
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Special Prizes:

Special Prize #1
Featured PR3 Directory link worth $36 whoisabhi.com
Blog review by: todaysblogreview
125 ?125 ad spot for 1 month at chethstudios- PR3

Special Prize #2
Sponsored domain name by: scott-ford
Blog review by: pro-blogreviews.blogspot.com
125 ?125 ad spot for 1 month at chethstudios- PR3

Special Prize #3
Blog makeover (for blogger blogs) thepositivelife.com
125 ?125 ad spot for 1 month at chethstudios- PR3

HOW TO ENTER:

(Required):

1.Blog about the contest along with the Prizes and Sponsors links, link to chethstudios and the contest post – 20 entries.
(You can post it in multiple blogs of yours to earn more entries. Click here to copy the Prizes and Sponsors links.)

(Optional):

2. Refer to a friend of yours ( he/she must join this contest and should mention your name as the referrer) – 10 entries.

3. Add chethstudios to your Technorati Favorite – 5 entries

4. Stumble upon, Delicious this contest – 5 entries for each action

5. Review any of the sponsors blog of your choice it is optional- 5 entries

6. Subscribe to chethstudios feed via Email and confirm your subscription – 5 entries
If you are already subscribed, please leave a comment in this post to enter the contest.

7. Place the contest banner at your sidebar until the contest ends – 10 entries

( Remember Special prizes will be given to only who have top number of entries)

After completed your entries, kindly leave a comment in this post telling what you have done to enter the contest. Please include the following information:
the email address that you used for the feed subscription, your blog URL of the contest post, your Technorati ID, your ID of Stumble Upon/ Delicious, the page where you post the contest banner.

(SPAMMING WONT BE TOLERATED)

CONTEST TIME LINE:

Contest officially starts today November 15, 2008 and will end on January 1, 2009 NEW YEAR! (11PM GMT+5.30). Winners will be drawn randomly using random.org and will be announced a week after the contest end.

Note:
We have all the rights to modify the contests and prizes at any point of time.
Sponsor are allowed to join the contest since a 3rd party will draw the winners for the major prizes.

BEST OF LUCK!

Harold Ford 2/19/1938 - 10/27/2007

I didn’t know what else to call this post, but I do have to say I don’t feel like we are completely without him you know?  I always seem to catch a fragrance (smoke), hear a laugh, or something to remind us of him – he’s still very much around.

That’s my belief, take it or leave it – but it’s really a knowing.  Harold loves us mucho.  The old “coot” said he’d haunt us, so why not? 

Harold died of cancer on this day in 2007.  So many of us where effected in so many ways, too many to imagine.

My husband – oh to lose your father, I cannot begin to imagine.

My kids, who only where around him for a few years – were very effected and it broke my heart watching them grieve.

His grandchildren – what can you say to that grief?

Friends, Family – all of us where touched in so many different ways by him.

He’s wasn’t some sweet little old guy though.  Nope.  Well, not on the outside… he was a burly kinda rough Navy kinda guy.  He’s tell you to “kiss off” quite quickly and the next breath laugh his butt off if you tripped and fell.  You just had to shake your head and laugh at him.  He always lived life being truthful to who he was and not worrying what others thought.

I miss you Harold, and as of today… one year after you ditched your 3 dimensional body for a beautiful light spirity one – I have not smoked for over 10 days.  Ha!

I miss you miss you miss you.

So does your son, in such a huge way……

Love and Light,

Your “Honorary Daughter”

For You Harold – A Soft Goodbye

Well, yes… my tushie is crazy today.  Why you ask?

I’m on my 6th day officially smoke free.  I did it THIS time cold turkey.  Wowza.  Here’s what it’s like:

1. I’ve gone nuts – as evident by chasing my boys (16 & 17 – both over 6′ tall and over 220lbs) through Starbucks with a teddy bear.
2. Wanting to scream at the top of my lungs (which, btw actually hold AIR now)
3. Burning SO much incense ’cause – WOW – I can smell it even better
4. Yelling at my hubby (oh I’m horrid today!)
5. Crying in bed wrapped in a blanket in a neo-natal position
6. Laying in the backyard on my back in my ALMOST completed sanctuary staring so deeply into the blue sky I feel like I was flying

It’s a crazy day – but I feel and smell so wonderful.

My Father In Law passed away last October – I promised him I would stop soon, he told me he’d come after me if I didn’t.    He was an ornery old coot – and died of lung cancer.  In being his “honorary daughter” and someone he shared with at the end in the most spiritual way I could have ever imagined – I’m taking control of my physical life because he said I’d be much happier if I lived healthy.

I believe you Harold… and feel you near me every moment I think of you.  I love you and I miss you so so so much.

Love and Light,

Monica

QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

~ There will be a dedication post to Harold, it’s just I get to be a bit more stable when I write it ~