Posts Tagged ‘kids’

May 11th was the last post I did before running head long into my 18 year old’s issues.  Now what issues might those have been to keep me away from my bloggy for so long you may ask.  Oh let me tell you.

James is leaving for the USMC Boot Camp on June 15th.  Just a few weeks from now.  That is – as long as he gets his high school diploma.  Why would this be an issue I can hear you ask.

HE DIDN’T DO EVERYTHING HE WAS SUPPOSED TO!

.. ahem ..

Pardon the out burst.

So, until yesterday at 6:00 PM my handsome young man has not had much sleep.  His assignments – all of them – were due today.  Which, btw, he did get all of it done.

But WHY wait I ask you.  Why until the last momento?!

Stress your mother out!  I am stressed beyond belief that little booger!

He’ll be graduating per the teacher.  He called the SSgt to let him know all is good.

Ahhh….

Now, more stress – my son is leaving to the USMC Boot Camp!  Oh why why why do they grow up anyway?

Thanks for all the comments…I’ll be blog hopping as soon as I catch up on my sleep.

He’s not a Marine yet… they aren’t one until they graduate from Boot Camp.  Meanwhile… I’ll be a momma realizing the nest is getting a bit thin.

Hugs to everyone.  I have so much to tell you but my eyes are really tired!

Hugs hugs hugs

~Mon

For those that don’t know – I have a child that has gone through depression, attempted suicide, told he was Bi-Polar – yadda yadda.  He leads a rough life at times.  But he’s not alone.  There are family members that each have to deal with their portion of his difficulties – mom, brothers, sister… etc.  We all deal with it in ways that are perfect for each of us.

We aren’t alone either, there are many many kids and their families that go through tough spots in life.  The families are sometimes the only ones standing strong for these kids because we know their true beauty and goodness inside.  Others, we find, steer clear because they don’t know how to deal with it.

I am asking that everyone Stumble this post if you do enjoy it – it is the wish of the teen that wrote this that others that may be in the same situation get some reality that they aren’t alone!

The following is a wonderful (tear jerker for me) poem that a teen wrote about his own experience as a brother (a twin brother no less) of a young man that is going through something very close to what my Stephen endures.

The following was given to many just to read, and those that could find themselves in his shoes have been praising the writing.  If you wouldn’t mind getting this out there for this young man (I will not name him unless his mother approves).  He wants others to know they aren’t alone!

It is okay to copy this to give to others, but you cannot copy and use it as your own.  Simply refer back to this post as the originator and that is fine.  Do not publish this unless you receive permission (just email me, I will ask the mother and the boy for you) through this site.

Again, please Stumble this or whatever way you can if you enjoy it.  This deserves to find it’s way to those that will benefit.

You Have To Be His Brother To Understand

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

This is my fourth Valentine’s Day with my husband, Daniel.  We were married May of 2006, and dated off an on since November 2004.  I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge this man and how much I love him.

He went from having one child and a quaint life to being the head of a household of then 4 kids, his – the youngest.  He went through the trials of me and my daughter before she moved out.  He went through the trials of one of my son’s just not truly engaging in school and feeling lost.  He continues to go through my youngest’s mental health issues.  Although sometimes he says it’s about all he can take – he continues on.  I respect and admire this man who took on so much when he had the slow and calm life before.

With all of the issues my husband has dealt with by marrying me, I’ve given him the three most important *beings* in my life.  My children.  It’s a gift I would not have given to just anyone.  Although there is drama – there is more love than someone could ever imagine if they were not living it.

He has provided for us, loved us, and generally put up with us.  That’s quite amazing.  On the other side… I’ve put up with him as well.  That’s marriage and it’s what we signed up for.  I’ve been so busy with work, sleep (boy I’m tired!) and Stephen – that I haven’t had much time for my hubby.  We are making time tomorrow which will be wonderful, even though it’s storming.  Hey, storms are romantic.

While we venture closer to our wedding anniversary I can honestly say it’s been a wonderful ride.  I love him very much and thought I’d tell him here as well as together tomorrow for Valentines Day.

He sent me flowers to my job today.  I got to put the beautiful roses in my cubbie and feel loved publicly.  Very nice indeed.

I love you Daniel, thank you for taking on this adventure with me.  Happy Valentines Day.

Love,

Monnie

While my handsome boy is in the hospital getting some much needed assistance, I’m left with the thought of – “What happens when he comes home?”  Afterall, it sure doesn’t seem safe to me for him to be here at the house alone.

So a friend referred me to a company that places in home caregivers.  Normally, this is for an invalid elder parent or someone that just got done with surgery.  But, my little boy deserves to have some assistance at home.  I deserve to have some piece of mind.

I meet with them on Tuesday to see if there is a fit somewhere.  The person will need to be able to handle a 6′1″ 250lb kid (185.42 cm | 113.40 kilo) if he has a psychotic episode, they will need to understand bi-polar and psychosis disorder.  They’ll need to be okay with a big (kinda) German Shephard.  They’ll also need to be here from 6 AM to 6 PM.  Where do you find someone like that?

I’m sure there is something we can do.  I made it clear to the doctors he cannot come home until we have a safe plan in place.

Speaking of doctors.  Let me tell you a bit about what I go through with these folks.

First, they always like to say the reason he’s going through this is something YOU are doing wrong.  Now, at first – I listened to that and thought I surely must be a horrible parent.  Then, the more I thought about it the more I figured out they truly don’t know what the issue is and the easiest way to put blame somewhere is on the parent.  Now, I’m quite strong minded and strong willed.  Although in the beginning I took everything to heart and beat myself up for it, the more I got into this the more I realized the docs didn’t know as much as they SOUND like they do.

Let me give you an example of this.  His psychiatrist, his therapist and his OTHER doctor all recommended he go on this Independent Study High School Program.  My initial reaction was “You have got to be kidding!  You want a child that is depressed to stay home all day with not interaction with society?  It will make him more depressed!”  Yes, I said just that.  Their response?  “No, this is the best thing for him.  He cannot handle regular high school.”  With that, he was switched to the Independent program against my better judgement.  The psychiatrist that is treating him in the hospital chastised me for putting him into a program with this.  Basically asking what I was thinking, and that because he was depressed placing him in this situation just worsened it.  I let her have it with all the momma guns I have:

“You people are completely guessing at crap aren’t you?”  ” I put my child there because folks that have the SAME degree as you said it was the best for him while I argued it wasn’t!”  “You people are guessing!”

They are you know.  Mind you, they do know alot more than me.  But when it comes to my child – I’ve learned a year and a half later – I KNOW MORE!

I really ripped into that doctor.  They were saying it was the environment that was causing this.  Yeah, okay – you are right – a loving home is a horrid thing to live in.  I give up.

The doctors will always tell you that you are doing something wrong.

I ended that discussion saying that I’ve figured them out, they know nothing – they are guessing and that from now on they will listen to me.

::sigh::

They want a fight?  I’ll give them one. This is my baby – he’s struggling like there is no tomorrow and I’ll be d*mned if I allow these doctors to continue to play guessing games with my child’s life.

They get to get to the bottom line.  What is the issue?  Obviously the medication doesn’t work.  Not any of them.  They work for a bit then he crashes hard.  Argh.

Okay, I’m done venting about the docs for a moment.  But I get to go to see them tonight and I’ll be fighting again if that’s what it takes.

Now – I need to find Mary Poppins on steroids.

Love and Light,

Mon

Well let us see how last night went shall we?

I was trying to get this blog in some kinda order after changing hosts. I have a temporary Wordpress Theme up, but I like how it’s situated. Just not the colors or lack thereof. But, when I went to have fun and change stuff around the most HUGEST (is that a word?) headache hit like a ton of bricks. Oh my goodness. Then, it was so bad I felt sick. So, off the computer I went and straight to bed.

Then, the hubby comes home – bless his heart. Dotting all over me and taking care of me like the wonderful hubby he is. We watched Ghost Whisperer Season Two Disc Two – one or two episodes and I was done. I had a pounding headache and felt like crud.

Then, we got into an argument. A new one? No… more of the same thing. It didn’t end well so this morning I got on the phone and told him I was sorry. Lordy. Lordy. Being married means so many things, but one thing it means is ya can’t get away from them. LOL So you better make up.

Making up is fun actually. He’s been so wonderful lately, I guess feeling sick mixed with other stuff just set me off. No bigge – we *kissed* and made up so to speak.

It’s been rough here. He’s working so hard and my client base has dwindled due to so many things. So I’m barely making it financially. Which means, he’s doing all the work. I’m at home taking care of the house, making sure my kids get all their school stuff done, and working on the clients I have left – ’cause I love them and am very grateful to have them.

My kids are both in Independent Study now. It’s like homeschooling really. I have their schedule every day of what they need to do, I meet with their teacher once a week to get more work for them and turn in their assignments (rather, they do that – I take notes). BUT their report cards came in! WOW! It’s the biggest improvement I’ve ever seen from them. They are so proud! So is this momma.

So my husband is working away while I’m doing all of these things that are important – but, what happened to me holding my own financially? I was the sole supporter for over 10 years now I’m home? It’s a huge adjustment.

I’m starting school on the 20th of this month. I’m almost embarassed to say what for ’cause I’ve been laughed at a few times. But I’ll say it here – and let me be very clear this is what I had wanted since I was young, but babies etc. well… you know what happens to plans when you have the little ones. Okay, my major is Physics. Yes, laugh all ya want. Who knows I could change my mind. I’m already an Accountant, this would be a complete career change that will take YEARS to get to. But there are some really neat opportunities just in the first year of being an undergraduate! No laughing… okay, you can laugh. We’ll see how far this goes, but at least I can go for it!

In February I’ll be 41 years old/young. I’m so extremely excited about my 40s! It’s me time after my Stephen is graduated in June of 2010. That’s not that far away. Jimmy goes into the USMC on June 14th, and my daughter is already out and on her own. I do have my Step Son Daniel that will be 14 (OMG!) on the 11th of this month, but his momma does all the hard work with him. I just get to love him to death when we get him. So I’m almost done… wow.

Many things are going on now in my life – I just want to be sure I enjoy ever moment of it you know?

Wow, life is Grand!

Yes, we have alot of last names in the house.  Two are Nichols, two are Ford and two are Sharp.  Hey, I haven’t exactly changed my last name yet.  I will though… don’t you fret!

Now, on to the fun at the house!

First, my three kids thought it would be great to take a photo for me and I was so excited to get it!  They used my camera and a tri-pod and even got Indy to look at the camera by throwing something in the direction of the tri-pod!  LOL  They did great!

L – R

Jessica (19), James (18), Indy (10 mos), Stephen (16)

My babies.

Missing is my step-son, he wasn’t there that day.  So they are going to take more photos with the blonde child (my only blonde kid – my step-son)!

That night we had a major blast playing Cherades (hm, spelled right?) and that was beyond halarious.

Tonight, Ice Cream social.  I know it’s cold, but who could turn down ice cream?!

OH!  I bought a new phone!  The Google Android G1 thingy!  I was a BlackBerry die hard for 3 years, and just went to the T-Mobile G1.  GREAT so far!

I’m gonna get back on after the ice cream and answe comments ’cause I just love you all so!

Love and Light

Mon

Hi there:

Actually, this has been going on for a long time.  I know I’ve seen it, or maybe even done it once or twice, but I saw it on Susan’s Site – “Lollipop Moments” and I thought I’d give it a go!

If you are interested in Unconscious Mutterings, give them a look see and send her an email to let her know you are playing along!

Week #304

1. Spit it out :: “Patooey”
2. Shadow :: Ack, this is the “name” my son gives for his scary friend that keeps landing him in the hospital.  Not a good name around the house.
3. Database :: Never Ending – Still Not Done and my client is waiting on it!
4. Expression :: Drat
5. Boss :: I am my own.  Wait, there is the hubby… then the kids, then the dog…. ::sigh::
6. Baby ::  Oh hecks no!  No more.
7. Mystic ::  We all are.
8. Kate :: Katie Curic (sp?)
9. Boobies :: I do have two.
10. Raid :: Panty

There we go!  Now that was fun!

LOL  I’m such a dork.

Really.

Poop.

Yesterday as I was starting the car I looked in the rearview mirror to see a bunch of *crap* (yes, I said it) on my back window.  I get out to see that what looked like a paper bag filled with (what smelled like) *crap*, egg, mustard – you name it.  Nasty *crap* on my car.

Kids.

So, I get the hose and attempt to get it off (’cause I’m not touching a bag of poo!) and it took awhile to get the majority off becuase of whatever was in there.  I got most off and took my baby “Mertyl” (I named my car, and most cars I’ve had) to go get a bath at the local handwash carwash.

Took them awhile, but they got it off.

I figured it was the same kids that have ALWAYS been a pain in the butt – always after my kids.  Mostly my older one – who never seems to pay any attention to them.

But I went next door to my neighbor who was huffin’ about something and low and behold – his front of the house was egged.  NOT a good thing for any paint.

::sigh::

Little boogers.

But, Mertyl is just fine.  No worse for wear.  Now she’s clean again… thanks to the Infamous Bag-O-Poopoo-Kids.

Oh yes, these things we look forward to hearing huh?

NOT!

So, here’s the tail of the Pinky Toe that Attempted to Escape.

I was working in my office downstairs as my son was busy getting his homework completed so he could go out and “hit the town” as almost-18-year-olds sometimes do.  He had but one packet of work left, so he was hurrying so his buddies wouldn’t leave him.

I heard him yell “I’m done!” and then followed the sound of my 6′1″ 220lb kid running twords the stairs to get my approval and then get outta town.

*KABAM!*

I heard a very loud sound, and figured my goofy boy knocked something over.

No.

I heard “Mom! I broke my toe!”

Alas, as quickly as I could get up and run – he hobbled to the top of the stairs and sat down waiting for momma to come inspect his deed.

Oh.  My.  Gosh.

He caught it on the edge of our treadmill and broke it clean in half.  Pinky toes are never supposed to be at a right angle to their fellow toes.  Completely unnatural.

I ran up the stairs as I couldn’t take my eyes off of the toe that seemed to hang on with dear life.  I got to him, put my hand on his knee and looked up at him as my stomache made so many flip flops I couldn’t count.

“Honey?  I can’t carry you!”

I mean, when they are little and they hurt themselves you just pick them sling them over your hip and RUN like the dickens to the car for the impending emergency room visit.  But looking at his shear size (as if I never noticed he was so BIG!), I knew that wouldn’t be an option.

His face was white as a ghost, ashen even and he had begun to sweat and tremble.  Oh – great.  Shock.  Now how do I get the bugger to the car.

Talk calmly momma.

So I say “Honey?  Let’s go.  We gotta go.  Hobble down the stairs sweety, we have to go.”

His reponse?

“Mom, just call someone.”

Call someone?  Who?!  The Toe Doctor on call?!  Maybe he was thinking of the TOE TRUCK!  Oh no, must not giggle in the middle of emergency!

Me “Honey?  We have to go now, let’s go”

Him “Mom!  Just call someone!”

I really wasn’t getting anywhere… so I just yelled as I ran down the stairs to get my purse, “Let’s go NOW!”

I mean heaven’s forbid the pain was gonna hit at any moment, you know when there is a slight delay and then *BAM* pain hits like a tidle wave.

So, he somehow gets to the car – I get him to emergency and I’m pushing him through the halls to X-Ray as he’s yelling “Out of the Way!  Pinky Down!  Pinky Down!”

I even got to watch them set it.

Oh my.

Yup!  Pinky toes do NOT vear off to the opposite direction of a foot.  It’s unnatural!

Thanks for listening to my story of last weekend’s journey to ER.  I think I know the nurses by name now with how many trips between the two of my boys in the last year!

Thanks Kaiser insurance.  I love you!

Here’s some pics for you.  By the time I took the toe pics his pinky toe was vearing a bit more twords the other toes, so it’s not a total right angle in these shots.  LOL

Oh lordy…

This is a bit of a rant, a bit of praise and a bit of frustration.  You see I have four children.  One, is living with his mother, he’s my step-child and I do only what a step-mother does – I love him and offer assistance when requested.  The other three are my responsibility.  One of which is 19 and in college and working.  Her father is taking care of that end – paying for college.  She doesn’t live with me.  So that narrows it to 2 I’m directly responsible for education wise.

My children – up until this year – have been enrolled in the normal public school system.  James is a senior (leaving to serve our great country as a Marine in June 2009), and the other is Stephen a junior in high school.  That’s 11th and 12th grade students in a public NORMAL California high school.  That is the number one issue – public school.

Now I hear many say the school systems are great.  Normally those are the parents of kids that are in elementary school.  By the time they hit junior high, I don’t seem to hear that much more.  Because, they (our California public schools) are not great.  Not in my opinion – and not the schools I’ve personally had any connection to.  They are overcrowded, understaffed, under budgeted… just plain under everything.

Let me make one thing clear – teachers as a whole are NOT in my category of issues.  These folks work for our children with what seems like all odds against them.  I would not begin to put them down.

James, my 12th grader – has exited out of normal high school this year and is in what is called an “Independent High School” program.  This means he meets with a teacher once a week and gets work handed to him and he has one week to complete it.  Or not.  This is an independent program.  If you don’t do the work, you are out.  Period.  So James, who didn’t do a BIT of work in the past two years, now is fully in charge of himself to learn what is needed and turn in his work.  Here starts one issue.  If he didn’t do the work before, how would he now?

I didn’t get involved in the kids schooling much.  I know, say what you must – but I didn’t.  Single mom, three kids – I was lucky to be home on time to pick them up from daycare let alone oversee hours of homework.  I would pick them up, get home and continue to work from home.  So not much guidance if any from me.

Now, James has to makeup a years worth of work – plus his senior work.  Again, this is a child that didn’t do anything in school to begin with!  Now, he’s having to double his work.  Hmmmm.

As of two weeks ago I was starting to get calls from his teacher – “James is doing poorly, he’s behind… etc. etc. etc.”.  Funny, his report card just came in with a B+ average.  So what happened?  He went back to how he normally does stuff.  He just doesn’t do it.

Well, I finally took charge.  Why now you ask?  After years of not doing a thing?  Because it’s all he’s got.  If he doesn’t graduate his military entry will be postponed.  Then, as usual – he’d fall down on himself and feel poorly and get himself even further behind.  I know my son.

Today, he met with his teacher for the normal one hour and turned in his work.  He’s got a TON left to do before next Friday’s meeting as I’m getting him caught back up and back on track.

Basically, he’s home schooled.  Not entirely, but that’s what it boils down to.  The plus side is… he’s home schooled.  No more gangs, no more girls, no more teachers screaming (yes, it’s happened).  But he’s got a long way to go this week to get back on track.

Now, enter my other child – Stephen.  He is bi-polar, rages at times, and is generally a to-himself kinda kid.  According to his doctors the last two hospitalizations were due to stress at school (bullies, deadlines etc.) and they have recommended he get out of the normal public schools as there is really no adults there to manage bullies – which is his biggest issue.  Great.  So Stephen is going to the same Independent program now as Jim.

That’s two at home doing schooling.

I work.

We can do this.

Who do I blame?  No one.  To have the kids out of the public regular high school is a huge plus to me.  The amount of drama, fights and lack of guidance only lays way to issues.  Many issues as our family has had to go through since junior high school.

The issue I see with my younger one is – if it was up to him, he’d stay away from any social type situations forever.  He’s not a people person.  Well, he’s not a mean people person and at their ages there are a lot of those.

I don’t know folks… James will be okay now that I have a handle on things, but Stephen?  How do I assist a depressed bi-polar child by keeping him at home?  I think I’m going to go onto the home schooling sites and see what kind of things we can do to get him out of the house.  I can’t believe his doctors think this will be beneficial to him in the long run.  Honestly.

High school is different now.  Much different.

I praise anyone who home schools – at least I know and understand why they don’t want them in the public school system.  It’s a genuine failure in so many ways.  I feel like somewhere with all of the “universal healthcare” and “my company is flopping bail us out” crud – we seem to have completely forgotten the children.  Our future is the kids and they are going to colleges in spite of what they’ve learned in high school – not because of it in many cases.

If you know of any good sites for home schooling, please leave them in the comments.  Stephen could certainly use it!

Thanks for listening/reading to my vent.

Love and Light,

A Momma

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