Posts Tagged ‘hospitalized’

While my handsome boy is in the hospital getting some much needed assistance, I’m left with the thought of – “What happens when he comes home?”  Afterall, it sure doesn’t seem safe to me for him to be here at the house alone.

So a friend referred me to a company that places in home caregivers.  Normally, this is for an invalid elder parent or someone that just got done with surgery.  But, my little boy deserves to have some assistance at home.  I deserve to have some piece of mind.

I meet with them on Tuesday to see if there is a fit somewhere.  The person will need to be able to handle a 6′1″ 250lb kid (185.42 cm | 113.40 kilo) if he has a psychotic episode, they will need to understand bi-polar and psychosis disorder.  They’ll need to be okay with a big (kinda) German Shephard.  They’ll also need to be here from 6 AM to 6 PM.  Where do you find someone like that?

I’m sure there is something we can do.  I made it clear to the doctors he cannot come home until we have a safe plan in place.

Speaking of doctors.  Let me tell you a bit about what I go through with these folks.

First, they always like to say the reason he’s going through this is something YOU are doing wrong.  Now, at first – I listened to that and thought I surely must be a horrible parent.  Then, the more I thought about it the more I figured out they truly don’t know what the issue is and the easiest way to put blame somewhere is on the parent.  Now, I’m quite strong minded and strong willed.  Although in the beginning I took everything to heart and beat myself up for it, the more I got into this the more I realized the docs didn’t know as much as they SOUND like they do.

Let me give you an example of this.  His psychiatrist, his therapist and his OTHER doctor all recommended he go on this Independent Study High School Program.  My initial reaction was “You have got to be kidding!  You want a child that is depressed to stay home all day with not interaction with society?  It will make him more depressed!”  Yes, I said just that.  Their response?  “No, this is the best thing for him.  He cannot handle regular high school.”  With that, he was switched to the Independent program against my better judgement.  The psychiatrist that is treating him in the hospital chastised me for putting him into a program with this.  Basically asking what I was thinking, and that because he was depressed placing him in this situation just worsened it.  I let her have it with all the momma guns I have:

“You people are completely guessing at crap aren’t you?”  ” I put my child there because folks that have the SAME degree as you said it was the best for him while I argued it wasn’t!”  “You people are guessing!”

They are you know.  Mind you, they do know alot more than me.  But when it comes to my child – I’ve learned a year and a half later – I KNOW MORE!

I really ripped into that doctor.  They were saying it was the environment that was causing this.  Yeah, okay – you are right – a loving home is a horrid thing to live in.  I give up.

The doctors will always tell you that you are doing something wrong.

I ended that discussion saying that I’ve figured them out, they know nothing – they are guessing and that from now on they will listen to me.

::sigh::

They want a fight?  I’ll give them one. This is my baby – he’s struggling like there is no tomorrow and I’ll be d*mned if I allow these doctors to continue to play guessing games with my child’s life.

They get to get to the bottom line.  What is the issue?  Obviously the medication doesn’t work.  Not any of them.  They work for a bit then he crashes hard.  Argh.

Okay, I’m done venting about the docs for a moment.  But I get to go to see them tonight and I’ll be fighting again if that’s what it takes.

Now – I need to find Mary Poppins on steroids.

Love and Light,

Mon

As some of you know my son has been hospitalized off and on since September 2007.  He made another attempt on his life this past Tuesday, greatfully unsuccessfully.  Scary enough.

Stephen is in the hospital again and will be there for a bit.

I suppose I’ve come to realize that this is simply what our family gets to go through for whatever reason in the Universe.  As with parents with children with special needs, or perhaps a horrible medical issue – we simply continue on.  We love him, we support him and we are here to pick up the pieces no matter how difficult they are to find.

I am new in my job, so I certainly cannot miss any time.  To be quite honest, I am thankful for my job and the time it gives me to focus on something else.  I am still very excited about my job – and enjoy it daily.  I don’t stop to think about much during the day but my work.

The weekend is here though, and I get to relax and to reflect.

I’m not falling apart.  I’m only extremely greatful that I have this beautiful child and he’s still with us.  The Universe must have thought I was strong enough to assist him through what he is going through – that’s why he’s my son.

I’m only thoughtful right now.  Not down.  That’s different than the 4 other times.  I suppose I just get to be a momma and fight to keep my child safe.  Safe from himself and from the doctors that are merely guessing at what they can do to assist.

We do need to locate a person to be here with him during the day while I work – he cannot be left alone.

So – when we have things happen to us, I believe that being greatful and looking at the positveness of life brings us through even the darkest of times.

I can tell you my list of greatfullnesses (my special word for the day) is extremely long and beautiful.

To each of you that may be going through your own bought of rough spots – I hold your hand and walk through it with you.

Life is beautiful.

Love and Light,

~Monica~