Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

Well let us see how last night went shall we?

I was trying to get this blog in some kinda order after changing hosts. I have a temporary Wordpress Theme up, but I like how it’s situated. Just not the colors or lack thereof. But, when I went to have fun and change stuff around the most HUGEST (is that a word?) headache hit like a ton of bricks. Oh my goodness. Then, it was so bad I felt sick. So, off the computer I went and straight to bed.

Then, the hubby comes home – bless his heart. Dotting all over me and taking care of me like the wonderful hubby he is. We watched Ghost Whisperer Season Two Disc Two – one or two episodes and I was done. I had a pounding headache and felt like crud.

Then, we got into an argument. A new one? No… more of the same thing. It didn’t end well so this morning I got on the phone and told him I was sorry. Lordy. Lordy. Being married means so many things, but one thing it means is ya can’t get away from them. LOL So you better make up.

Making up is fun actually. He’s been so wonderful lately, I guess feeling sick mixed with other stuff just set me off. No bigge – we *kissed* and made up so to speak.

It’s been rough here. He’s working so hard and my client base has dwindled due to so many things. So I’m barely making it financially. Which means, he’s doing all the work. I’m at home taking care of the house, making sure my kids get all their school stuff done, and working on the clients I have left – ’cause I love them and am very grateful to have them.

My kids are both in Independent Study now. It’s like homeschooling really. I have their schedule every day of what they need to do, I meet with their teacher once a week to get more work for them and turn in their assignments (rather, they do that – I take notes). BUT their report cards came in! WOW! It’s the biggest improvement I’ve ever seen from them. They are so proud! So is this momma.

So my husband is working away while I’m doing all of these things that are important – but, what happened to me holding my own financially? I was the sole supporter for over 10 years now I’m home? It’s a huge adjustment.

I’m starting school on the 20th of this month. I’m almost embarassed to say what for ’cause I’ve been laughed at a few times. But I’ll say it here – and let me be very clear this is what I had wanted since I was young, but babies etc. well… you know what happens to plans when you have the little ones. Okay, my major is Physics. Yes, laugh all ya want. Who knows I could change my mind. I’m already an Accountant, this would be a complete career change that will take YEARS to get to. But there are some really neat opportunities just in the first year of being an undergraduate! No laughing… okay, you can laugh. We’ll see how far this goes, but at least I can go for it!

In February I’ll be 41 years old/young. I’m so extremely excited about my 40s! It’s me time after my Stephen is graduated in June of 2010. That’s not that far away. Jimmy goes into the USMC on June 14th, and my daughter is already out and on her own. I do have my Step Son Daniel that will be 14 (OMG!) on the 11th of this month, but his momma does all the hard work with him. I just get to love him to death when we get him. So I’m almost done… wow.

Many things are going on now in my life – I just want to be sure I enjoy ever moment of it you know?

Wow, life is Grand!

I’m an avid Heroe’s fan.  My son James and I started by watching all episodes of Season 1, then Season 2 and then ofcourse – Season 3, which just ended with this past Monday’s episode.

I have to say I totally enjoy it.  Regular people with extraordinary powers.  What a blast.  Season 4 is going to come out Feburary 2nd.  I cannot wait!

Here’s the Preview:

My son’s most FAVORITE character is Clair – the Cheerleader.  Oh yeah.  He’s in love.  Here’s a pic of my son’s dream love:

My favorite?  Oh it’s a bit scary, but it’s Sylar the creepy guy:

Yes, I love the creepy dark and handsome guys.  My hubby however, is completely the light bright sweet guy – well, he has his creepy side – don’t we all? 

For Daniel and I – well, since he moved in – um, 2005 – I’ve slowly been converting him to a Sci-Fi Freak, I mean – fan.  So far the conversion of Hubby to Trekkie is working very well.

Each night we watch one or two episodes IN BED (yes, I actually have a flipping TV in my room – argh).  First, I decided to take him through the time of Star Trek.  The first one we watched was ALL Star Trek: Enterprise series.  Yes, we own all of them.

Then we watched Star Trek Next Generation (yes, we skipped the old Kirk one, we’ve both seen it) – and yes, we own all seasons!    Then Star Trek Deep Space Nine, then we watched Star Trek Voyager.  We own all of those series too!

Then onto Battlestar Galactica Seasons 1-3 and we are anxiously awaiting Season 4!  Whoot!

Ahhhh….. the life of Sci Fi!

Ofcourse another love of mine is Paranormal.  So, had to start on Season 1 of Ghost Whisperer!

Great series.  I love the feel good TV ya know?  She assists earth bound ghosties in crossing over.  I love the sentimental part of this, and Daniel seems to enjoy as well.  Shhhh, don’t tell his guy friends. OH – that’s right, he loves it because of the hottie in this, Melinda (Jennifer Love Hewitt).  I can’t say I blame him.

Here’s the opening for Season 1 (which we just finished!)

So, that’s my wrap up of “What the Heck is Monica Watching Now?”.  Hope you enjoyed… stay tuned for the new one I just found!  Knight Rider!  Oh yeah, a mustang with guns…. gotta love it!

Happy Ho-Ho!

I was taught that everything, everything happens for a reason and I accept that.  I accept the things that hurt us are simply what we get to go through in this human experience.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not human and I don’t FEEL when things hurt.

I’m human and what I’ve seen today makes my HUMAN part so flippin’ ANGRY!

For those in Mumbai, we hear you and feel for you.  I saw the news break when me and my hubby were at lunch and I looked around the room as folks were laughing, chatting, not seeing the TV but on with their lives and mine felt like it stopped abruptly.  I have no part in any of this, I have no family there – I know now one there – but these are our brothers and sisters!  I don’t control my feelings well, and this tragedy felt like I got yanked in to misery…. not a pleasant experience!

Oh this whole terrorism cr*p gets to get buried somewhere.

I’m tired of humans being so stupid!

… argh … a vent, but it washed over me with a HUGE amount of empathy when I saw that, the news report the people…

ARGH!

PEACE PEOPLE PEACE

Why is that such a difficult concept for some humans!

::sigh::

For those in India, or anyone that’s been directly or indirectly effected (the WORLD!) – I can only send light and love to you.  But know we hear you and you are loved.

YOU ARE LOVED

… sometimes, I’m not cautious – I feel like I get pulled so strongly into feeling SO much of the world …

There are so many references on the web, Twitter, Blogs, Flickr… right now, there are still issues going on.  One link:  http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/11/26/mumbai.attacks.web.sites/index.html

From that site:

Help number

The State Department has established a Consular Call Center for Americans concerned about family or friends visiting or living in Mumbai, India. The number is 888-407-4747.

I believe there is one for Great Britain as well.

Well hello there and hiya!  I haven’t done this in awhile, and I get to today.

I’d like to thank the following fabulous folks for taking the time to comment on my blog.  Without comments, we would feel like we are just yelling into oblivion.

Please stop by and visit their sites!

Commenters from 10/27/08 through 11/14/2008

• Loving Annie
• Jean-Luc Picard
• Akirah
• Shinade
• Alex
• Fragile Heart
• Oyvind (I don’t know how to make the “O” correct!)
• Woman Tribune
• Thinkinfyou
• Penny
• Chelle
• Teresa
• MammaDawg
• Sapphire
• Penelope Anne
• Daisy the Curly Cat
• Nicole (no blog)
• Slick
• Zhu
• Tess
• Stephanie
• Bad Evan
• DianeCA
• Ivanhoe

Thanks for keeping me from Oblivion!

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This is a bit of a rant, a bit of praise and a bit of frustration.  You see I have four children.  One, is living with his mother, he’s my step-child and I do only what a step-mother does – I love him and offer assistance when requested.  The other three are my responsibility.  One of which is 19 and in college and working.  Her father is taking care of that end – paying for college.  She doesn’t live with me.  So that narrows it to 2 I’m directly responsible for education wise.

My children – up until this year – have been enrolled in the normal public school system.  James is a senior (leaving to serve our great country as a Marine in June 2009), and the other is Stephen a junior in high school.  That’s 11th and 12th grade students in a public NORMAL California high school.  That is the number one issue – public school.

Now I hear many say the school systems are great.  Normally those are the parents of kids that are in elementary school.  By the time they hit junior high, I don’t seem to hear that much more.  Because, they (our California public schools) are not great.  Not in my opinion – and not the schools I’ve personally had any connection to.  They are overcrowded, understaffed, under budgeted… just plain under everything.

Let me make one thing clear – teachers as a whole are NOT in my category of issues.  These folks work for our children with what seems like all odds against them.  I would not begin to put them down.

James, my 12th grader – has exited out of normal high school this year and is in what is called an “Independent High School” program.  This means he meets with a teacher once a week and gets work handed to him and he has one week to complete it.  Or not.  This is an independent program.  If you don’t do the work, you are out.  Period.  So James, who didn’t do a BIT of work in the past two years, now is fully in charge of himself to learn what is needed and turn in his work.  Here starts one issue.  If he didn’t do the work before, how would he now?

I didn’t get involved in the kids schooling much.  I know, say what you must – but I didn’t.  Single mom, three kids – I was lucky to be home on time to pick them up from daycare let alone oversee hours of homework.  I would pick them up, get home and continue to work from home.  So not much guidance if any from me.

Now, James has to makeup a years worth of work – plus his senior work.  Again, this is a child that didn’t do anything in school to begin with!  Now, he’s having to double his work.  Hmmmm.

As of two weeks ago I was starting to get calls from his teacher – “James is doing poorly, he’s behind… etc. etc. etc.”.  Funny, his report card just came in with a B+ average.  So what happened?  He went back to how he normally does stuff.  He just doesn’t do it.

Well, I finally took charge.  Why now you ask?  After years of not doing a thing?  Because it’s all he’s got.  If he doesn’t graduate his military entry will be postponed.  Then, as usual – he’d fall down on himself and feel poorly and get himself even further behind.  I know my son.

Today, he met with his teacher for the normal one hour and turned in his work.  He’s got a TON left to do before next Friday’s meeting as I’m getting him caught back up and back on track.

Basically, he’s home schooled.  Not entirely, but that’s what it boils down to.  The plus side is… he’s home schooled.  No more gangs, no more girls, no more teachers screaming (yes, it’s happened).  But he’s got a long way to go this week to get back on track.

Now, enter my other child – Stephen.  He is bi-polar, rages at times, and is generally a to-himself kinda kid.  According to his doctors the last two hospitalizations were due to stress at school (bullies, deadlines etc.) and they have recommended he get out of the normal public schools as there is really no adults there to manage bullies – which is his biggest issue.  Great.  So Stephen is going to the same Independent program now as Jim.

That’s two at home doing schooling.

I work.

We can do this.

Who do I blame?  No one.  To have the kids out of the public regular high school is a huge plus to me.  The amount of drama, fights and lack of guidance only lays way to issues.  Many issues as our family has had to go through since junior high school.

The issue I see with my younger one is – if it was up to him, he’d stay away from any social type situations forever.  He’s not a people person.  Well, he’s not a mean people person and at their ages there are a lot of those.

I don’t know folks… James will be okay now that I have a handle on things, but Stephen?  How do I assist a depressed bi-polar child by keeping him at home?  I think I’m going to go onto the home schooling sites and see what kind of things we can do to get him out of the house.  I can’t believe his doctors think this will be beneficial to him in the long run.  Honestly.

High school is different now.  Much different.

I praise anyone who home schools – at least I know and understand why they don’t want them in the public school system.  It’s a genuine failure in so many ways.  I feel like somewhere with all of the “universal healthcare” and “my company is flopping bail us out” crud – we seem to have completely forgotten the children.  Our future is the kids and they are going to colleges in spite of what they’ve learned in high school – not because of it in many cases.

If you know of any good sites for home schooling, please leave them in the comments.  Stephen could certainly use it!

Thanks for listening/reading to my vent.

Love and Light,

A Momma

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I told you all about the “sanctuary” I had envisioned for my backyard.  I’m someone that loves Mother Nature, and loves her space to meditate.  Usually that means outside of the house and closer to anything nature.

In suburbia, finding nature is difficult.  My neighbors have a beautiful tree that seems to love coming over into our yard – thankfully.  It was in that corner of my yard I planned out my sanctuary.

I thought I’d show you thusfar where we are at with this endeavor.

These are in order and the only things left are the roof, painting and the interior.  But here she is:

The Corner Before Work Began

Deck for Flooring Set

Deck Flooring

Framing Up

Framing Up - Closer

Some Siding Up

Almost Done!

The funky tarp over the top is simply because it’s been raining.  What you probobly cannot see at all is that inside there is a candle chandelier, a cozy wicker chair, candles and insence burner.

The front will have drapes to close off the doorway.  I do work in a dark environment.  Work on me that is.  I do my meditation by candlelight.  The tree does hang over so I get to get the vibe from my friend Mr. Tree.

Inside the feeling is absolutely wonderful.

I have yet to plant most of the plants around it, as I have to paint – this weekend?  And dig next to it for a fountain.

Harold Ford 2/19/1938 - 10/27/2007

I didn’t know what else to call this post, but I do have to say I don’t feel like we are completely without him you know?  I always seem to catch a fragrance (smoke), hear a laugh, or something to remind us of him – he’s still very much around.

That’s my belief, take it or leave it – but it’s really a knowing.  Harold loves us mucho.  The old “coot” said he’d haunt us, so why not? 

Harold died of cancer on this day in 2007.  So many of us where effected in so many ways, too many to imagine.

My husband – oh to lose your father, I cannot begin to imagine.

My kids, who only where around him for a few years – were very effected and it broke my heart watching them grieve.

His grandchildren – what can you say to that grief?

Friends, Family – all of us where touched in so many different ways by him.

He’s wasn’t some sweet little old guy though.  Nope.  Well, not on the outside… he was a burly kinda rough Navy kinda guy.  He’s tell you to “kiss off” quite quickly and the next breath laugh his butt off if you tripped and fell.  You just had to shake your head and laugh at him.  He always lived life being truthful to who he was and not worrying what others thought.

I miss you Harold, and as of today… one year after you ditched your 3 dimensional body for a beautiful light spirity one – I have not smoked for over 10 days.  Ha!

I miss you miss you miss you.

So does your son, in such a huge way……

Love and Light,

Your “Honorary Daughter”

For You Harold – A Soft Goodbye

Well, yes… my tushie is crazy today.  Why you ask?

I’m on my 6th day officially smoke free.  I did it THIS time cold turkey.  Wowza.  Here’s what it’s like:

1. I’ve gone nuts – as evident by chasing my boys (16 & 17 – both over 6′ tall and over 220lbs) through Starbucks with a teddy bear.
2. Wanting to scream at the top of my lungs (which, btw actually hold AIR now)
3. Burning SO much incense ’cause – WOW – I can smell it even better
4. Yelling at my hubby (oh I’m horrid today!)
5. Crying in bed wrapped in a blanket in a neo-natal position
6. Laying in the backyard on my back in my ALMOST completed sanctuary staring so deeply into the blue sky I feel like I was flying

It’s a crazy day – but I feel and smell so wonderful.

My Father In Law passed away last October – I promised him I would stop soon, he told me he’d come after me if I didn’t.    He was an ornery old coot – and died of lung cancer.  In being his “honorary daughter” and someone he shared with at the end in the most spiritual way I could have ever imagined – I’m taking control of my physical life because he said I’d be much happier if I lived healthy.

I believe you Harold… and feel you near me every moment I think of you.  I love you and I miss you so so so much.

Love and Light,

Monica

QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

~ There will be a dedication post to Harold, it’s just I get to be a bit more stable when I write it ~

Okay, this whole stop smoking thing is bizzare.  I made it 5 days, then smoked one day, then stopped one day then smoking today.

ARGH!

Fer cryin’ out loud.  I’m teaching myself that *I* control the habit.  The habit doesn’t control me.  For me, this seems to be working pretty well.  Each time I smoke I get sick – perfect!  Blech.

So, on to other info, I’m going to Utah next week for training – It’s Impact Trainings LMT 1.  I’ve been through their other trainings:

• Quest Training
• Summit Training
• Lift-Off Training
• Couples & Commitment
• Inner Woman Training I

I always feel so good coming home from these trainings.  Utah is so pretty!  Trouble is, they say it may snow.  This Californian has officially never driven in snow.  Good luck Utah folks!  Steer clear of me!  I’ll be the one slidin’ sideways down the highway yellin’ Yeee Haaaaw! 

Here’s a few pics from Utah I’ve taken:

Enjoy!

I’m still alive!  All is well!

I talked last week about my company and I have to say it’s taken over this whole week!

Dawn & Kids - Dawn's Wedding

Last weekend was awesome – I had a heart to heart with my step-son.  I felt like we had a bit of a wedge growing between us.  We did, as it turns out, and after talking to the little man, we are good to go.  The photo above is of my best friend Dawn (at her wedding ofcourse), my step-son Daniel and the little princess in the back is Marissa, Dawn’s Daughter.  Handsome guy huh?

One thing about my step-son he is extremely *empathic*.  He senses folks feelings – and I mean in a big way!  Trouble is, he can’t read me.  That makes him a bit nervous around me.  He said this, not me.  He’s very articulate!  I love that kid so flippin’ much.  I have a way of blocking my feelings from folks, it’s habitual.  I just didn’t mean to do it with him.  We had a great talk and I get to work on it – and he gets to work on talking about it when things bother him. 

But the whole rest of the week has been taken up by my business.  I went to that Networking group (wow, awesome group of professionals!), new clients, issues with a client’s QuickBooks file (argh!) and going through my certification for QuickBooks.

The certification is about 20 hours long.  It’s in depth and difficult at times, but it’s perfect to freshen up and let others know I know what I’m doin! 

QuickBooks Certified Pro-Advisor

Full week, I’m not done with my certification yet – I’ll be workin’ on that all weekend.

I will be working on the certification through Sunday.  My husband is gone this weekend to Utah for training at Impact Trainings (he is currently in Life Mastery Training 2) and I will be going in the next few weeks (finally! – Life Mastery Training 1).  If you are interested – it’s www.impacttrainings.com.

No hubby ’till Sunday!  … I couldn’t sleep last night ’cause he wasn’t in bed …

OH!  The foundation has been set on my Sanctuary!  I’m totally excited!  Here’s some pics!  Groundwork – it’s a 10×10 with 5′ entrance.  I designed it myself! As soon as it’s finished I can add my plants, fountain, etc.  Whoot!

Backyard Sanctuary

Backyard Sactuary - Foundation Set

The builder will be back this Saturday to put up the walls and set for the roof, or however that goes.

Love and Light folks, wish me luck on my Certification testing!

Here’s Indy – he sleeps on his back with his legs up, he’s such a GOOF!

Indiana Jones - Caught on his Back Again!