Posts Tagged ‘father-in-law’

Harold Ford 2/19/1938 - 10/27/2007

I didn’t know what else to call this post, but I do have to say I don’t feel like we are completely without him you know?  I always seem to catch a fragrance (smoke), hear a laugh, or something to remind us of him – he’s still very much around.

That’s my belief, take it or leave it – but it’s really a knowing.  Harold loves us mucho.  The old “coot” said he’d haunt us, so why not? 

Harold died of cancer on this day in 2007.  So many of us where effected in so many ways, too many to imagine.

My husband – oh to lose your father, I cannot begin to imagine.

My kids, who only where around him for a few years – were very effected and it broke my heart watching them grieve.

His grandchildren – what can you say to that grief?

Friends, Family – all of us where touched in so many different ways by him.

He’s wasn’t some sweet little old guy though.  Nope.  Well, not on the outside… he was a burly kinda rough Navy kinda guy.  He’s tell you to “kiss off” quite quickly and the next breath laugh his butt off if you tripped and fell.  You just had to shake your head and laugh at him.  He always lived life being truthful to who he was and not worrying what others thought.

I miss you Harold, and as of today… one year after you ditched your 3 dimensional body for a beautiful light spirity one – I have not smoked for over 10 days.  Ha!

I miss you miss you miss you.

So does your son, in such a huge way……

Love and Light,

Your “Honorary Daughter”

For You Harold – A Soft Goodbye

Well, yes… my tushie is crazy today.  Why you ask?

I’m on my 6th day officially smoke free.  I did it THIS time cold turkey.  Wowza.  Here’s what it’s like:

1. I’ve gone nuts – as evident by chasing my boys (16 & 17 – both over 6′ tall and over 220lbs) through Starbucks with a teddy bear.
2. Wanting to scream at the top of my lungs (which, btw actually hold AIR now)
3. Burning SO much incense ’cause – WOW – I can smell it even better
4. Yelling at my hubby (oh I’m horrid today!)
5. Crying in bed wrapped in a blanket in a neo-natal position
6. Laying in the backyard on my back in my ALMOST completed sanctuary staring so deeply into the blue sky I feel like I was flying

It’s a crazy day – but I feel and smell so wonderful.

My Father In Law passed away last October – I promised him I would stop soon, he told me he’d come after me if I didn’t.    He was an ornery old coot – and died of lung cancer.  In being his “honorary daughter” and someone he shared with at the end in the most spiritual way I could have ever imagined – I’m taking control of my physical life because he said I’d be much happier if I lived healthy.

I believe you Harold… and feel you near me every moment I think of you.  I love you and I miss you so so so much.

Love and Light,

Monica

QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

~ There will be a dedication post to Harold, it’s just I get to be a bit more stable when I write it ~

As some may know my father-in-law passed away this past October.  Today is his 70th birthday and I wanted to write a moment on this.

Ofcourse we miss him.  It still hurts. 

But, I sang Happy Birthday to him in my car today and smiled as I just knew he was having "cake" somewhere smiling back at us.

He’s such a beautiful spirit… and we can always wish him Happy Birthday.  I just know he hears us and it makes him smile.

Happy Birthday dear Harold.  Hugs and smooches.  Love your honorary daughter.

This one is tough for our family ’cause we lost Harold on the 27th of October.  I was looking through some movies and found one of him clowning around a smidge… thought I’d post it ’cause I’m thinking about him so much.

To you and yours – Happy Holidays if you are celebrating, Happy Thursday if not.  Love and Light ~ Monica

The obituary for my father-in-law was approved by the family and just sent to the newspapers.  It’s only a statistical factual summary of him, but that’s how they are I suppose. 

I have to say, writing the obit meant so much to me.  I don’t know why.  He asked me to take care of all of the arrangements.  Me.  And I did… and I felt like I gave something you know?  So his wife didn’t have to do anything.  Down to the obituary….

Why was it so hard to write though?  I was afraid to send it to his sons, afraid I said something wrong afraid I didn’t say enough afraid I said too much… oy.  They approved it without changes… that makes me feel good.

:: sigh ::

When does this stuff get any better?  I keep on crying… I just saw him what feels like yesterday.  I still feel his hand holding mine and his eyes with so much love…

You know what I loved?  One of the things I loved… is how he spoke of his wife.  He would always joke with everyone ya know?  "Grumpy ‘Ole Man" I’d call him, but he stopped and became serious and loving and his wife… he would say the most beautiful things about his wife.  He said Daniel and I would be the same in the years to come… I know we will.  I already call Daniel "Grump", so I’m sure the "’ole man" will come sometime in the future… hee hee.

He told me that me and Daniel were perfect for eachother and he was happy I was the one he married.  He said I was a daughter to him, as with Dawn (Daniel’s ex-wife), and Sidonia (Mark’s girlfriend).  He said the three of us meant more to him then he could say… that we were the ones that he considered daughters.  He said, three sons and three daughters "I’ve got it made".  We had it made. 

He told me that his sons were the world to him, and his wife was what held it all together.  And boy did she.  If I could be half the wife to Daniel that she was to Harold… I’d be happy…

I talked to her a few days before he passed away and she told me that her and Harold were so happy he married me.  It made me cry right away on the phone ya know?  They’ve said it so many times before, but this time… she was very pointedly and purposely making making sure it was heard.

I love them both so much.

So now what… no more preparations or things to keep us busy.  The boys have one final event they get to do alone, then… we are left with our thoughts.

… memories and thoughts …

I would just like to say:  Cancer sucks.

But it’s awesome to know I’ll see him again ~ as the beautiful spirit he is.  Someday, when I’m done here.

Thanks for listening, writing sure does help get it out.  Well, get it out and deal with it you know?

~Mon~

Today is a reflection day.  I found I was holding in so many feelings lately, that I about exploded.  With my father-in-law passing away, I thought I could be strong and that because I knew he was in a beautiful spiritual place now, I would feel okay.  But, it seems I’m like everyone when they lose someone close – I have a grieving period. 

It’s Okay To Greive – in fact, I personally believe for your spiritual health, it’s simply a must

Someone said something that was quite hurtful, and I was very upset.  Then, I looked back on it and realized… it’s okay.  I forgive very easily because I really love so much.  To be spiteful is actually a poison to a person.  Negative energy isn’t allowed in my life, it’s diffused very quickly.  That’s all new to me and I’m learning how to do just that…   Forgiveness is a beautiful and a very cleansing response to any issue really.  Or at least, I’m learning.  To that person, I simply send love and light because it’s just what they need.  Everyone deserves love.

Everyone Deserves Love

Last night I broke down alot.  I feel better today but a bit *hung over* from crying so much.

It’s Healthy To Cry

What works for me?  Taking pictures does… today it did.  Blogging does as well!  And reading blogs from all of you, well… that just puts a day into a perfect place.  Not to mention my beautiful family.

I’ll share with you my journal for today with photos and a bit of what I was thinking as I took each of them.  If it gets too boring, go play frogger on the “Fun Stuff” page!  I’m all about giggles ya know.  Fer cryin’ out loud! 

Here’s my photo journal for the day…

I mentioned a few posts ago that I have new grass.  Due to the puppy we got, the wires to the sprinkler system were dug up and chewed through and well… the puppy just destroyed it.  Because my husband is so truly kind and loving to me, he got us a brand new lawn… and it’s green, and it’s absolutely beautiful.  No more dirt and tufts of weeds, I have my beautiful lawn back. 

That gazebo you see is another of my enjoyments.  My husband and I use the jacuzzi alot!  The top of the gazebo has a wonderful green metal roof.  The sounds of rain on the roof, the feeling of the cold air around you, and the warmth of the 102 degree gurgling jacuzzi… well, it’s just a slice of my heaven.  I’m thankful.

Ofcourse, there are frogs in them thar hills.  If you look up on the gazebo, there are three frogs in a stepping stone that I’ve hung… they are absolutely the best.

This is just one of the times I’ve looked to the sky and gotten the feeling of wonder.  When I’m in the yard, I always look up.  The sky to me is like a slideshow of random wonder.  It’s always ever changing, and never anything less than awe inspiring.  At least, if you look at it through the eyes of a child.  That, I’ve been learning to do more and more as well.  Thanks to Harold ~ he suggested to look at things like you were a child.  It’s an interesting perspective.

Our puppy.  Daniel and I have four children between the two of us.  Both of us wonder what a baby from the both of us would look like, be like… but we are not going to have a child.  After his son was born, he didn’t want another.  After I hit 30, you couldn’t have paid me to go through all of that again.  We are happy to have Sammy – the fur-child.  He doesn’t look like us, doesn’t talk… but BOY does he love us.

Since we’ve had such a tough few months, I’ve noticed something about Sammy that not every dog has… he’s highly responsive to emotions.  In example, I was crying last night and he pushed his head into my arms and just looked up at me with the compassion I would only think could be found in a human.  I’m wrong, ofcourse, but he just seemed to *know*.  He wouldn’t leave my side until I felt better.  Then he moved to the floor by me and laid down, not taking an eye off of me.

Sammy may look ferocious to our neighbors and those that have made the mistake of attempting to get into the yard ~ but his heart is of gold, and he is extremely protective.  He’s a true gift.

Just watch the teeth.  Oh, and when he stands fully erect (with the help of placing his paws on your shoulders) – he looks my husband straight in the eye.  5′10″ I believe.   

As I was about done with my photo thoughts, I walked inside and looked around our house.  It feels so wonderful.  So loving.  Even the refrigerator has love on it:

These beauties are my niece Megan, and her beautiful momma Wendy.  The bear ‘o magnet is from a cruise I was lucky enough to take to Alaska in 2003.  Another bit of thankfulness.

Thank you for sharing in my thoughts for the day.  I truly wish you love and light and remember to look at things through the eyes of a child. 

Love and Light,

Monica Ford

Might I just add… phew.

He lost 57 pounds in a month and a half.  But he’s out of the hospital and into a post care home. 

Cancer… it takes so much. 

Love and Light and Healing,

Monica