Posts Tagged ‘existance’

On This Beautiful Day there are Souls entering

and Leaving Our Existence.

Right now, in this moment I choose to BE

and to tell you right now, right here…

I’m grateful for you sharing this moment and time with me

~Monica~

Forgiveness means a great deal to me.  Something I’ve come to terms with in the last year (yes, it’s taken me that long in my life). 

In my life I’ve had many dealings with people that seemed to be mean to me for no reason.  Then, as I grew older from an elementary school child – I noticed people in general were simply *mean*.  This isn’t the reality of our world, but for a small child, that’s all I saw after being hurt many times.

Entering into my teens I was the one that was the *defender*.  Whenever I saw someone helpless being picked on, or physically hurt – I would defend them without an ounce of thought.  I never held back, and with that much anger and hatred you can imagine the receiver of my *save the world* attitude wasn’t in any good shape after it was done.

To be consistantly angry, and filled with so much hate and unforgiving wrath – it does a number on your spirit.  We weren’t put here on this earth to be filled with so much negative emotions.

After I had my first child, I dowsed the anger part of me.  I controlled it, and sometimes it was very difficult.  But the last thing I wanted my little girl to see was a mother that was anything but loving.

I lost a boyfriend in high school to suicide, so before my daughter was in existance (years later) the amount of hate and anger I had sped quickly to a very harmful level.  To dowse it once I found out I was pregnant was a day to day issue.

(Photo:  1988 Xmas My Grandma Mimi and Me (L-R) gramma wasn’t preggo) 

I would purposely walk outside into the back yard and find 10 new beautiful sights – every day.  Even looking to the old swingset in the backyard (I lived at the house I grew up in – moving in after my pregnancy was known).  I remember for the first time since I was probobly 2 years old actually smiling as I watched a butterfly land and take off.  I remember the feeling, I felt giddy like a little kid.  I didn’t stop smiling all day.

I had to *learn* to bring in light. 

I had to *learn* to get rid of the negative.

I had to *learn* that there are people who are loving and kind.

When my baby girl was born, the doctor held her in front of me and we all waited for her to cry.  She didn’t.  She simply *looked* at me.  I mean really *looked* at me.  After a few moments that seemed like forever, the doctor turned her back around to him to be sure she was okay.  He shrugged, turned her to face me and simply said "Well that’s an old soul".

(Photo:  1989 my baby girl and her horsie and grandma!) 

 

(Photo:  1990 Me and my little girl at the Marina) 

My daughter rarely cried.  She always smiled – always.  She simply was happy and healthy.  I thank goodness that I turned my self around.  The pregnancy was uneventful, and very easy.  I contribute it to me learning how to love – and how to forgive.

(Photo:  5/11/1997 (?) My boys Stephen (L) and Jimmy (R) – first look at those ears!  oh yes, my boys)

In my day to day life now, with a husband who loves me – with 4 children who are happy and healthy and normal – I can say, forgiveness is not just a good feeling.  It and Love are a way of life for me now.

(Photo:  6/4/2005 – He surprised me at my Aunties, driving over 200 miles ’cause he loves me!  (oh I love the smile…) 

(Photo:  7/12/2005 – My stepson and me!  oh my this kid has a smile that would melt ya!)

There’s Good News and News.  I don’t see things as horrible or unrelenting.  That would be an awful place or state to remain. 

(Photo:  4/3/2005 – When we were coming back from Disneyland!  hee hee)

I offer this sharing moment so that it may perhaps assist anyone who is having struggles.  I simply viewed the world, life, and people in the way I chose to view them.  All as bright lights with the potential to forgive and love. 

(Photo:  THESE are my babies (about a year ago) and the fantastic sense of humor we all have… bless all 4)

Love and Light to You,

Monica