Posts Tagged ‘bi-polar’

For those that don’t know – I have a child that has gone through depression, attempted suicide, told he was Bi-Polar – yadda yadda.  He leads a rough life at times.  But he’s not alone.  There are family members that each have to deal with their portion of his difficulties – mom, brothers, sister… etc.  We all deal with it in ways that are perfect for each of us.

We aren’t alone either, there are many many kids and their families that go through tough spots in life.  The families are sometimes the only ones standing strong for these kids because we know their true beauty and goodness inside.  Others, we find, steer clear because they don’t know how to deal with it.

I am asking that everyone Stumble this post if you do enjoy it – it is the wish of the teen that wrote this that others that may be in the same situation get some reality that they aren’t alone!

The following is a wonderful (tear jerker for me) poem that a teen wrote about his own experience as a brother (a twin brother no less) of a young man that is going through something very close to what my Stephen endures.

The following was given to many just to read, and those that could find themselves in his shoes have been praising the writing.  If you wouldn’t mind getting this out there for this young man (I will not name him unless his mother approves).  He wants others to know they aren’t alone!

It is okay to copy this to give to others, but you cannot copy and use it as your own.  Simply refer back to this post as the originator and that is fine.  Do not publish this unless you receive permission (just email me, I will ask the mother and the boy for you) through this site.

Again, please Stumble this or whatever way you can if you enjoy it.  This deserves to find it’s way to those that will benefit.

You Have To Be His Brother To Understand

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

While my handsome boy is in the hospital getting some much needed assistance, I’m left with the thought of – “What happens when he comes home?”  Afterall, it sure doesn’t seem safe to me for him to be here at the house alone.

So a friend referred me to a company that places in home caregivers.  Normally, this is for an invalid elder parent or someone that just got done with surgery.  But, my little boy deserves to have some assistance at home.  I deserve to have some piece of mind.

I meet with them on Tuesday to see if there is a fit somewhere.  The person will need to be able to handle a 6′1″ 250lb kid (185.42 cm | 113.40 kilo) if he has a psychotic episode, they will need to understand bi-polar and psychosis disorder.  They’ll need to be okay with a big (kinda) German Shephard.  They’ll also need to be here from 6 AM to 6 PM.  Where do you find someone like that?

I’m sure there is something we can do.  I made it clear to the doctors he cannot come home until we have a safe plan in place.

Speaking of doctors.  Let me tell you a bit about what I go through with these folks.

First, they always like to say the reason he’s going through this is something YOU are doing wrong.  Now, at first – I listened to that and thought I surely must be a horrible parent.  Then, the more I thought about it the more I figured out they truly don’t know what the issue is and the easiest way to put blame somewhere is on the parent.  Now, I’m quite strong minded and strong willed.  Although in the beginning I took everything to heart and beat myself up for it, the more I got into this the more I realized the docs didn’t know as much as they SOUND like they do.

Let me give you an example of this.  His psychiatrist, his therapist and his OTHER doctor all recommended he go on this Independent Study High School Program.  My initial reaction was “You have got to be kidding!  You want a child that is depressed to stay home all day with not interaction with society?  It will make him more depressed!”  Yes, I said just that.  Their response?  “No, this is the best thing for him.  He cannot handle regular high school.”  With that, he was switched to the Independent program against my better judgement.  The psychiatrist that is treating him in the hospital chastised me for putting him into a program with this.  Basically asking what I was thinking, and that because he was depressed placing him in this situation just worsened it.  I let her have it with all the momma guns I have:

“You people are completely guessing at crap aren’t you?”  ” I put my child there because folks that have the SAME degree as you said it was the best for him while I argued it wasn’t!”  “You people are guessing!”

They are you know.  Mind you, they do know alot more than me.  But when it comes to my child – I’ve learned a year and a half later – I KNOW MORE!

I really ripped into that doctor.  They were saying it was the environment that was causing this.  Yeah, okay – you are right – a loving home is a horrid thing to live in.  I give up.

The doctors will always tell you that you are doing something wrong.

I ended that discussion saying that I’ve figured them out, they know nothing – they are guessing and that from now on they will listen to me.

::sigh::

They want a fight?  I’ll give them one. This is my baby – he’s struggling like there is no tomorrow and I’ll be d*mned if I allow these doctors to continue to play guessing games with my child’s life.

They get to get to the bottom line.  What is the issue?  Obviously the medication doesn’t work.  Not any of them.  They work for a bit then he crashes hard.  Argh.

Okay, I’m done venting about the docs for a moment.  But I get to go to see them tonight and I’ll be fighting again if that’s what it takes.

Now – I need to find Mary Poppins on steroids.

Love and Light,

Mon

Face to the Sun By Hikari Nell

As some of you know my son has been hospitalized off and on since September 2007.  He made another attempt on his life this past Tuesday, greatfully unsuccessfully.  Scary enough.

Stephen is in the hospital again and will be there for a bit.

I suppose I’ve come to realize that this is simply what our family gets to go through for whatever reason in the Universe.  As with parents with children with special needs, or perhaps a horrible medical issue – we simply continue on.  We love him, we support him and we are here to pick up the pieces no matter how difficult they are to find.

I am new in my job, so I certainly cannot miss any time.  To be quite honest, I am thankful for my job and the time it gives me to focus on something else.  I am still very excited about my job – and enjoy it daily.  I don’t stop to think about much during the day but my work.

The weekend is here though, and I get to relax and to reflect.

I’m not falling apart.  I’m only extremely greatful that I have this beautiful child and he’s still with us.  The Universe must have thought I was strong enough to assist him through what he is going through – that’s why he’s my son.

I’m only thoughtful right now.  Not down.  That’s different than the 4 other times.  I suppose I just get to be a momma and fight to keep my child safe.  Safe from himself and from the doctors that are merely guessing at what they can do to assist.

We do need to locate a person to be here with him during the day while I work – he cannot be left alone.

So – when we have things happen to us, I believe that being greatful and looking at the positveness of life brings us through even the darkest of times.

I can tell you my list of greatfullnesses (my special word for the day) is extremely long and beautiful.

To each of you that may be going through your own bought of rough spots – I hold your hand and walk through it with you.

Life is beautiful.

Love and Light,

~Monica~