Posts Tagged ‘beauty’

This seems to be video 4 in my series this week.

I’m very much looking inside of myself right now – thus all of the sappy videos.

I am so grateful for my family.  I am so grateful for my friends.  I am so grateful for my life.

This video is called “How Could Anyone” by Shaina Noll.  This brings a lump to my throat for a number of reasons.  One, and foremost it reminds me of my sister and how much I love her.  We were out of touch for over 10 years.  We found each other luckilly again and made amends for what we don’t even remember being an issue.

Please listen to this song because it can mean so many things to each person.

“How could anyone ever tell you, you were anything less than beautiful… ”

For those that don’t know – I have a child that has gone through depression, attempted suicide, told he was Bi-Polar – yadda yadda.  He leads a rough life at times.  But he’s not alone.  There are family members that each have to deal with their portion of his difficulties – mom, brothers, sister… etc.  We all deal with it in ways that are perfect for each of us.

We aren’t alone either, there are many many kids and their families that go through tough spots in life.  The families are sometimes the only ones standing strong for these kids because we know their true beauty and goodness inside.  Others, we find, steer clear because they don’t know how to deal with it.

I am asking that everyone Stumble this post if you do enjoy it – it is the wish of the teen that wrote this that others that may be in the same situation get some reality that they aren’t alone!

The following is a wonderful (tear jerker for me) poem that a teen wrote about his own experience as a brother (a twin brother no less) of a young man that is going through something very close to what my Stephen endures.

The following was given to many just to read, and those that could find themselves in his shoes have been praising the writing.  If you wouldn’t mind getting this out there for this young man (I will not name him unless his mother approves).  He wants others to know they aren’t alone!

It is okay to copy this to give to others, but you cannot copy and use it as your own.  Simply refer back to this post as the originator and that is fine.  Do not publish this unless you receive permission (just email me, I will ask the mother and the boy for you) through this site.

Again, please Stumble this or whatever way you can if you enjoy it.  This deserves to find it’s way to those that will benefit.

You Have To Be His Brother To Understand

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

I told you all about the “sanctuary” I had envisioned for my backyard.  I’m someone that loves Mother Nature, and loves her space to meditate.  Usually that means outside of the house and closer to anything nature.

In suburbia, finding nature is difficult.  My neighbors have a beautiful tree that seems to love coming over into our yard – thankfully.  It was in that corner of my yard I planned out my sanctuary.

I thought I’d show you thusfar where we are at with this endeavor.

These are in order and the only things left are the roof, painting and the interior.  But here she is:

The Corner Before Work Began

Deck for Flooring Set

Deck Flooring

Framing Up

Framing Up - Closer

Some Siding Up

Almost Done!

The funky tarp over the top is simply because it’s been raining.  What you probobly cannot see at all is that inside there is a candle chandelier, a cozy wicker chair, candles and insence burner.

The front will have drapes to close off the doorway.  I do work in a dark environment.  Work on me that is.  I do my meditation by candlelight.  The tree does hang over so I get to get the vibe from my friend Mr. Tree.

Inside the feeling is absolutely wonderful.

I have yet to plant most of the plants around it, as I have to paint – this weekend?  And dig next to it for a fountain.

I am very thankful for the beautiful comments you all left for me.

Thank you thank you thank you.

This week I am going to be back on as much as I can, it’s been a very difficult October it seems.

Just a smidge of depression I suppose. Sometimes it hits like a ton of bricks.

But – there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

Let the sunshine in!

Harold Ford 2/19/1938 - 10/27/2007

I didn’t know what else to call this post, but I do have to say I don’t feel like we are completely without him you know?  I always seem to catch a fragrance (smoke), hear a laugh, or something to remind us of him – he’s still very much around.

That’s my belief, take it or leave it – but it’s really a knowing.  Harold loves us mucho.  The old “coot” said he’d haunt us, so why not? 

Harold died of cancer on this day in 2007.  So many of us where effected in so many ways, too many to imagine.

My husband – oh to lose your father, I cannot begin to imagine.

My kids, who only where around him for a few years – were very effected and it broke my heart watching them grieve.

His grandchildren – what can you say to that grief?

Friends, Family – all of us where touched in so many different ways by him.

He’s wasn’t some sweet little old guy though.  Nope.  Well, not on the outside… he was a burly kinda rough Navy kinda guy.  He’s tell you to “kiss off” quite quickly and the next breath laugh his butt off if you tripped and fell.  You just had to shake your head and laugh at him.  He always lived life being truthful to who he was and not worrying what others thought.

I miss you Harold, and as of today… one year after you ditched your 3 dimensional body for a beautiful light spirity one – I have not smoked for over 10 days.  Ha!

I miss you miss you miss you.

So does your son, in such a huge way……

Love and Light,

Your “Honorary Daughter”

For You Harold – A Soft Goodbye

First, a huge amount of gratitude to those that have commented, emailed and given their love and support in the times I’ve had in the last week.

I have had Stephen read the comments and he teared up.  He’s 16 but can be touched by kind hearts and beautiful words.  Thank you.

He is starting his own blog, and I’ll link here when he’s got it a bit under control.

Second, if there is anyone else out there that is empathic at all – I ask you this – how heavy are you feeling now?

Those reading may not believe in what I do, and that’s a blessing because varied views are beautiful and learning experiences for us all!

Let me tell you where I’m at right this moment as a 40 year old lady, living in the U.S. on this planet Earth in this Solar System and a part of the Universe:

I’m fighting to keep my world full of light, and love and stillness.

Although I’ve dealt with emotional ups and downs this last week – I can tell you that isn’t all that is creating a difficult situation in my spirit.

In the U.S. we have so many crisis’s right now.  From the election, to the financial “Wholly Heck”, to the day to day issues of homelessness, abuse and suffering.

In the World we have suffering, war, and hate.

On Earth we have a general tone of “oh well, someone will fix it later”.

*We* does not mean each individual by the way, there are many doing what they can in each instance.  But not the whole.

Mahatma Ghandi has a quote I attempt to live my life by every day and I do fall short most days unfortunately:

Be the change you want to see in the world.

That doesn’t mean look to someone to change it.  It does truly mean for you to be the change you wish for.  It starts with each of us.

With that said, there isn’t many American’s right now that aren’t having great angst and fear around this election.  Both the Obama side and the McCain side of voters actually FEAR the other getting into office.  Why?  It’s because of our media and mis-information being thrown at you. These two are men.  Humans like us.  They will each do the best they can to assist this country.  Neither is as bad as each side paints them to be.

I can say I’ve personally seen things that make me question the integrity and sincerity of both sides.  Enough to make me wonder who to “write in” on the ballot.  Then I catch myself.

Folks, either candidate will be perfect.

If that statement jolts you from the inside and you want to SCREAM “it’s not so” – then I urge you to look inside and ask yourself what your true fear is.  Take a deep look at what you fear and work on that.  Yourself.

Whoever gets elected is going to have a tough year ahead of them.  It’s just where we are at right now.

I get that lately – many folks are going to need therapy in heavy doses after this election.

It will all be okay.

It will all just *be* and that is perfect.

Please get yourself to a place of calmness, stillness and light if you are currently in fear, stressed or generally off balance.  At the very least, if you are feeling this way – take a look at it.

It feels to me that the world is going faster and faster and folks are attempting to move away from it, not with it.

It will all be okay… really.  It will be perfect.

Love and Light to everyone that reads this.  You are loved.

Monica

One reason you won’t see alot of *deep* conversations like yesterdays here, is that this blog is my reach to others to give Love and Light.  When things go a bit bumpy, I do write here – but overall, this blog is to send YOU Love and Light.  From my heart to yours.

With everyone’s beautiful comments regarding my son – I’d like to give you “Friday Feel Good Day”.  Just a post with pics that I’ve found from Photobucket online, that I can share with you.

Colors are a sort of therapy for me as well.

I get a bit cheery when I see photos with alot of color and bright contrasts.

So what better way to send us into the weekend – then to have some nice visual fun!

I hope everyone will have a wonderful weekend!

From my house to yours – Happy Friday!

Love and Light,

Monica

I’m 40, and I don’t feel old.  Old would be 90 perhaps.  Not 40.

I smoke, have for a long time.  Disgusting, I know.  But I smoke.

On Friday, a first happened for me.  I was called “The Mean Ugly Old White Lady” by 3 children and their father.

Here’s how that went.

I was standing in a handicap parking lot space outside of the hotel (the Friday night fun night!) instructing my hubby on where the night of mystery was gonna be and what to do when he got there.  (It was a blow your socks off night!  Well planned out, I might add).

I was standing in the parking space because I was outside of the hotel having a cigarrette chatting on the phone.  If I smoke, I do it more than 20 feet from the door, in California there are laws on where to smoke.  I understand and abide by them happily.

After my phone call I looked up and noticed a Mercedes Benz with it’s blinkers on clearly waiting for me to move out of the space their were trying to pull into!

Ooops!

I hurry out of the way and made sure I was quite a bit away from the car.

Out popped three little kids with their hands over their faces.  I didn’t notice as I was yelling at the dad “Goodness, I’m sorry.  I completely zoned!”.  Smiling my usual smile and waving at him in apology.

Things happened a bit quick from there.

He said:  Yeah, well we are more concerned about your smoking.

Me: My what? (not sure if I heard him right, I’m quite a bit aways from them)

He said:  Hurry kids, get away from her and run to the door!  (not kidding here, he sounded like I had a gun)

Me:  Um…. (remember, I’m pretty far from them and they are entering a hotel with smoking rooms ~ so they aren’t getting to safety runnin’ inside of there!)

He said:  Cover your face kids!

Me:  Okaaaaay (I backed up even further, although the smoke was going the opposite direction of them – all I could do is watch while the kids covered their faces, but stuck their tongues out at me yelling “gross” “she’s gross” “daddy hurry up!”)

He said:  Yeah well (turning to me) they teach them this in school (almost, although not quite, apologetically)

He brought the kids inside after they gave me dirty looks and he just laughed and encouraged them to look at the gross smoking lady.

I was dumbfounded.

Not at the fear of smoke, although – that’s a bit over the top.  But I get that, if they don’t like it now maybe they won’t pick up the filthy habit.

But at the fact a parent did not reprimand their child for treating a human, a perfect stranger, like dirt.  I’ve seen it happen around me and it disgusts me.  But to really pay attention to the little ones that night, it hurt my heart that beautiful souls are being taught at such a young age that being mean to someone is okay and simply part of your day.  That left me in disbelief at the door. It’s only the beginning for these little ones I’m afraid.

As I walked upstairs thanking myself for raising children that don’t see race, physical limitations, or anything out of their norm as something they use against people – I heard the family through the door and stopped for a moment just outside.

The kids were telling their mum I suppose of the event.  But what I heard was this:

The dad was agreeing “yup!” after everything each of the kids were saying.  The mum was saying “I should go down there and kick her butt (different word used).”

The children were telling a tale of a “Mean.  Ugly Old White Lady downstairs smoking at the door and not letting them in.  She was blowing smoke at these poor little kids.  This Mean Ugly Old White Lady was giving them dirty looks and threatening them.”

Oh.  My.  Gosh.

She promptly said she was calling the manager and complaining about the Mean Ugly Old White Lady and the kids were happy and yelling “yeah!”.

The father never corrected their story.  He laughed and described how ugly I was.  I’m not joking.

I’m left with being the Mean Ugly Old White Lady at the Holiday Inn Express.

There is a widget to the left and the word *drop*.  I’ve said I would explain it, but not yet…. I’m gathering my own opinion on it before I do.

One thing is, if you notice the 125 x 125 widget in there – those are folks that have *paid* in EC credits (not cash) to have their site on my widget.  It’s a community, not a money making event – but I wanted to showcase one this week and each week give you something about the folks that have taken the time to adorn my little blog with their widget.

The one that is on today until later tonight, is called Simply Shiny ~ The Shiny Adornments Blog.  A bit about her (copied from her About page – hope that’s okay)

ShinyAdornments is artisan wire wrapped jewelry, handcrafted in my Wichita, KS studio. I use sterling silver, gemstones, SRA lampwork, glass, and polymer clay beads. My jewelry shop includes bracelets, bangles, earrings, necklaces and cocktail rings for both work and play.


I find inspiration in the wildflowers I drove past this morning on the way to work or the suit I just bought that needs the perfect accessory or the strange dream I had last night.


I make jewelry I would wear myself. The materials depend on my mood and inspiration. My goal is to create wearable items for work and play that offer an interesting statement about the women who wear them.


You can find my finished pieces at shinyadornments.com. My outlet store is at shinyadornments.etsy.com

It always amazes me how folks can be so creative!  But they are, and she surely is.  If you would be so kind, check out what she has.  These are items she has handcrafted herself, and they are beautiful – and definitely something I’d buy myself (um, soon as I’ve got some mooolah!  LOL).

Take a gander and let us know what you think!

EntreCard has ALOT of artists!  I could get into some financial trouble buying everything that looks so PRETTY!

I’ve been playing with Photoshop CS3.  Mainly because I’m just learning.  WOW I had no idea how powerful this program is!  I had CS2 and never really used it.  Bought the upgrade to CS3 – um, ’cause I’m the kind that wants the most recent version of everything (EXCEPT iTUNES!).

As I was going around finding you could get freebies from VERY artistic souls for Photoshop (brushes, etc.) I ran across this Blog Called “Web Designer Wall“.  The first thing that caught me was how beautiful the blog was.  Eye popping WOW!  Then, as I started reading through it I noticed a TON of information on there!  So, for anyone interested take a gander!

http://www.webdesignerwall.com/

Off to play with PSD then back into my Database ‘O Fun!