I don’t know who I am right now.

I know my titles “Momma”, “Daughter”, “Wife” and “Friend” amongst other things.  I’m thankful for all of those positions in folks’ lives.  But – who am I?  I go through my day acting perfectly fine – but inside I’m screaming to run.

I get to find me.

This is not me.

This job is not me.

This body I’m in is not me.

So much is not me.

It’s time to find me!

Now…

… where do I start?!

A wonderful thing about having a blog, you can look back to see if there are any trends.  Unfortunately, this “Missing Monica” trend has been going on way too long.

Unbalanced, neither here nor there – this is getting absolutely rediculas and a waste of time.  My time.  From what I can tell I have been out of touch with myself for years now.

Seriously.

This has got to stop!

You’ll never leave where you are – until you decide where you’d rather be

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Yup, I’m having fun.

Washed my car, had my dad over this weekend and made a friend.  Good weekend to be sure and I’m very thankful.

Now, off to do the clothes!    The cow will have to wait…

::snickers::

“Rub my feet give me something to eat….”

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That’s… 12 days.

12 More days.

A big 1 and 2.

12. Days.

I’m doing okay.

The party is on this Saturday.

Oh who am I kiddin…

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We aren’t alone either, there are many many kids and their families that go through tough spots in life.  The families are sometimes the only ones standing strong for these kids because we know their true beauty and goodness inside.  Others, we find, steer clear because they don’t know how to deal with it.

I am asking that everyone Stumble this post if you do enjoy it – it is the wish of the teen that wrote this that others that may be in the same situation get some reality that they aren’t alone!

The following is a wonderful (tear jerker for me) poem that a teen wrote about his own experience as a brother (a twin brother no less) of a young man that is going through something very close to what my Stephen endures.

The following was given to many just to read, and those that could find themselves in his shoes have been praising the writing.  If you wouldn’t mind getting this out there for this young man (I will not name him unless his mother approves).  He wants others to know they aren’t alone!

It is okay to copy this to give to others, but you cannot copy and use it as your own.  Simply refer back to this post as the originator and that is fine.  Do not publish this unless you receive permission (just email me, I will ask the mother and the boy for you) through this site.

Again, please Stumble this or whatever way you can if you enjoy it.  This deserves to find it’s way to those that will benefit.

You Have To Be His Brother To Understand

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

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It’s an interesting thing, this online life… we have friends online and when they go “missing” we truly worry.  I’m so sorry to have worried anyone.  I’ve wanted to update, but I have been coming home at night from work and just falling in bed to sleep.

All work no play makes Mon a dull girl.

So, I got this electronic book reader called “Amazon Kindle” and oh my GOSH that’s where any down time has been allocated.  My husband purchased it for me after I went ga ga over it after seeing someone at a restaurant reading from one.

So I’ve read the Twilight series of books which were really good. I saw the movie, but ofcourse that is nothing like the book.  And you can subscribe to magazines and newspapers.  I’ve actually begun to take a lunch time at work when I can and walked out to the park like area around our building – cuddled up and read.  Oh reading… it’s my love.

I’ve been so tired lately. I’m really not sure why. I know I’ve been working alot, but really… it’s no different than before. So why so tired? Oh, yes… no exercise. Duh.

Happy Easter for those that celebrate!  Happy Sunday to those that don’t.

Love and Light my friend.  Now I am off to see what your blogs say!  I am greatful for your comments.  I am greatful I’m in your thoughts.  It means so much to this soul.

Hugs,

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