Archive for the ‘Just Me’ Category

I’ve been gone so long!  Well, it does seem like an eternity.  I won’t say I will get caught up quick!  I’ll do it as I chug along…

Let’s see… my dear darling son, James, has been waiting to go to Boot Camp – they pushed his leave date out until this week.  He’s excited but had to get his run time up!

Stephen is going back to regular school next year under an IEP program.  That took forever to get through it seemed, but we are on our way for Stephen to have a “normal” senior in high school year!

I am having megga cravings to move to the mountains!  Oh too funny.  Maybe it’s the fact my kids are getting older and such.  Changes seem to be happenin.

I miss my little blog and my wonderful friends.  Give me some time – it’s a bumpy ride right now and I’m doing what I can to hold onto my hat!

Love and Light dearest friends – with all my love, I’m thinking of you all.

Jim leaves on the 12th.

That’s… 12 days.

12 More days.

A big 1 and 2.

12. Days.

I’m doing okay.

The party is on this Saturday.

Oh who am I kiddin…

I absolutely love this song.

I do hope you enjoy.

“Go with her flow with her… be everything you can be.”

Unchain your heart Ladies!

For those that don’t know – I have a child that has gone through depression, attempted suicide, told he was Bi-Polar – yadda yadda.  He leads a rough life at times.  But he’s not alone.  There are family members that each have to deal with their portion of his difficulties – mom, brothers, sister… etc.  We all deal with it in ways that are perfect for each of us.

We aren’t alone either, there are many many kids and their families that go through tough spots in life.  The families are sometimes the only ones standing strong for these kids because we know their true beauty and goodness inside.  Others, we find, steer clear because they don’t know how to deal with it.

I am asking that everyone Stumble this post if you do enjoy it – it is the wish of the teen that wrote this that others that may be in the same situation get some reality that they aren’t alone!

The following is a wonderful (tear jerker for me) poem that a teen wrote about his own experience as a brother (a twin brother no less) of a young man that is going through something very close to what my Stephen endures.

The following was given to many just to read, and those that could find themselves in his shoes have been praising the writing.  If you wouldn’t mind getting this out there for this young man (I will not name him unless his mother approves).  He wants others to know they aren’t alone!

It is okay to copy this to give to others, but you cannot copy and use it as your own.  Simply refer back to this post as the originator and that is fine.  Do not publish this unless you receive permission (just email me, I will ask the mother and the boy for you) through this site.

Again, please Stumble this or whatever way you can if you enjoy it.  This deserves to find it’s way to those that will benefit.

You Have To Be His Brother To Understand

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.

What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.

It’s been almost another year of my marriage to Daniel.  We were married in May of 2006.  So… that’s 3 years! During our three years we’ve had ups, downs, side-to-sides (LOL) etc.  I guess that means we are normal.  Whoot!

Here’s my thoughts on Marriage, and remember it’s coming from a gal that said:

“I’m never gonna get married again!”

1.  When the hubby says “nothing is wrong” – leave it be.  If the hubby wants to discuss his issue, he will – when he’s ready.  Remember, it’s *his* issue – not yours.

2.  When the wifey is angry at the hubby and refuses to explain in detail what has upset her, how to correct it – if it should be corrected, what it means to her – then expect that same issue to come creeping up again.  How will the hubby know if you just “expect” the hubby to figure it out?  Wifey didn’t marry a mind reader – nor did she marry a woman – he’s a man, explain it all in detail!  Remember – it’s wifey’s issue not his.

3.  Give love – Give respect – Give thanks always when you think of it.  How will it come back to you if it’s not given?

4.  Remember why you fell in love with him – it brings a smile to your face each time.

5.  If wifey comes home in a great mood and he doesn’t – ignore it (see #1) – maybe wifey’s happiness will leak out into the space around him

6.  If hubby is in a great mood and wifey doesn’t feel like smiling – rub on him – (LOL) maybe it will wear off on wifey (see #4)

7.  Remember – always – love is beautiful and haggard looking at times, be thankful you are partners and you picked the best one for you.

Well, I for one am thankful and I’m learning as I go how to be a partner instead of an independent.  Are there any thoughts anyone else has?  Any lists you may have to deal with a partner or a spouse?

Love and Light and happy Spring Flowers on Earth Day!

It’s an interesting thing, this online life… we have friends online and when they go “missing” we truly worry.  I’m so sorry to have worried anyone.  I’ve wanted to update, but I have been coming home at night from work and just falling in bed to sleep.

All work no play makes Mon a dull girl.

So, I got this electronic book reader called “Amazon Kindle” and oh my GOSH that’s where any down time has been allocated.  My husband purchased it for me after I went ga ga over it after seeing someone at a restaurant reading from one.

So I’ve read the Twilight series of books which were really good. I saw the movie, but ofcourse that is nothing like the book.  And you can subscribe to magazines and newspapers.  I’ve actually begun to take a lunch time at work when I can and walked out to the park like area around our building – cuddled up and read.  Oh reading… it’s my love.

I’ve been so tired lately. I’m really not sure why. I know I’ve been working alot, but really… it’s no different than before. So why so tired? Oh, yes… no exercise. Duh.

Happy Easter for those that celebrate!  Happy Sunday to those that don’t.

Love and Light my friend.  Now I am off to see what your blogs say!  I am greatful for your comments.  I am greatful I’m in your thoughts.  It means so much to this soul.

Hugs,

A long time ago, 2005 actually, I had a thought – *I hate my PC!*.  Yes, it was a very strong thought – and one that had to be acted upon.  So I did!  I let the kids use the PC and I purchased an iMac G5.  This little honey has been sitting in my son’s room, as he’s the writer and I thought the iMac would be fun for him.  He has since gotten into Photoshop and blogging – and the Photoshop I have is for the PC.  Therefore, the boy has been hoggin’ my PC!  Which, gave me a bit of time to think about how much I missed my Mac.

As Stephen was blogging and playing one day I asked him to go grab it and we put it in the Kitchen.  For those of you that don’t know iMacs are the size of a monitor really.  No heafty box, just a monitor (which has the CPU, hard drive, etc. – but the size of a monitor – almost).  So downstairs my cute little iMac went and low and behold – I’m actually using it!

Oh the crisp display.  Oh the null issues of viruses.  heh heh

Goodness knows I love this little baby!

Oh yes…. I’m in love with my iMac from 2005!  

~Monica~

I told you all I’d update you when Stephen started blogging! He’s got a little blog started, and I thought I’d ask if you all could maybe just take a look?

He’s been HEAVY into learning PhotoShop lately – and has been writing again.

So here’s his Blog: Xairai’s Shadow

Let him know what you think! He’s hoping folks will come through and maybe read a bit. It’s new, so he’ll be adding as he goes.

Thanks all!

My hubby turned 41 just 8 days after me! It’s tough being an older woman. LOL Even if by 8 days! He doesn’t let me live it down!

My son, Stephen, is out of the hospital and home – he’s on Lithium and I’m not at ALL happy about it. To be quite honest I would like to take him off of it all! He’s got tremors so badly and now headaches. I’m calling the doc tomorrow. This is not acceptable! His mood is good… he’s happy to be home!

My son, James, is driving! He got his license and the insurance wasn’t all that bad! So…. I don’t see him much! hee hee – oh to be young again!

My daughter, Jessica, came over this weekend… ahhhhh… I love having my baby girl around – although she’ll be 20 on March 21st! ARGH! She’s getting older… not me!

My son, Daniel J, is going through some struggles right now. He’ll be okay… in time. Seems some restrictions at home are getting to him… you know, regular teen stuff! Rules at one house, rules at another.

I am doing wonderfully actually.  Just juggling all of the life that comes at me.  Work is wonderful – the folks I work with are absolutely awesome.  Seriously I couldn’t have asked for a better team to work with.  Kudos to my wonderful employer!

I’m so tired though… so so tired. Time for a weekend out! Somewhere!

Bless you all – Love and Light My Beautiful Friends

My son has his permit – even though he’s 18 – he waited. My brother gave him a 2004 Ford Escape and he’s taking his driving test tomorrow for his CA driver’s license. Whoot!

Wish the boy luck! And momma for the insurance! It’s only a short time though…. he’s in the USMC training in June!