My Child Is In Pain
We raise our children in the hopes that no pain will befall them.
I personally cringe when one of my children stubs even a small toe.
To see our children in pain feels like an unjust thrust upon us from the Universe.
We know that cry when they are small, it’s not a whine or complaint – it’s the “mommy I need you now” cry.
What about when they are teens?
The teen “cry” is different.
At times it is almost mute, and you have to listen intently to hear their cries.
My son has once again cried out and has now been hospitalized.
Again.
This time last year he attempted suicide bringing the family to a stillness I never want to re-live.
This time, he reached out for assistance before the overdose, cutting and police SWAT team that we lived through last year.
I know in my heart this is simply something my son gets to go through.
As his mother, I can tell you with ever breath I take – I do not like it one bit.
Why couldn’t it be that they could just go through life with love, peace and happiness?
I suppose, that wouldn’t be life here would it?
Teen suicide is ridiculously high. I even hear some folks joke about it – I’m not sure I get the joke. Nor do I wish to.
He was diagnosed last year with Bi-Polar with Psychotic Episodes. His medication has been working up until now – or apparently 3 weeks before now as we are finding out.
As his mom, I would just like to ask the Universe to let him be.
Let him feel calm, still, and happy with himself.
I’ll be on and off for a bit, this blog is – after all – a source of my therapy. Don’t wig out if I’m still cheery, I just had to get some of it off my heart in this post. My outlook on all things in life is positive. Even those things that seem to pull my heart right out of my chest.
He’ll come home happy and healthy as he did last time – I just know it.
Love and Healing Light to all of you ~ Monica
Stephen June 2007
////
My son has requested that I place his writings up on my site for my readers to comment on or at least read. He’s a heavy writer, and it seems that journaling while he’s hospitalized feels good to him. Although I haven’t read it yet, I’ll see what I can do to set up a page for him and either type exactly as he has it, or I’ll perhaps place portions of it up. I’ll post here when I create it.
(photos and graphics other than my son were found from Photobucket – just type “teen”)
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Monica, I admire the strength and honesty that both you and your son is sharing with your readers today.
I really hope you, Stephen and the rest of your family pull through this difficult period and come out stronger in the end. I sincerely hope Stephen will find peace, happiness and a special purpose in his own life so that he can achieve the best he can with the life he has been given.
I look forward to reading Stephen’s writings, it’s certainly a good outlet for him to be able to express his thoughts and feelings…all the best.
I can only imagine the pain both of you must be feeling right now. Many hugs!
chelles last blog post..WW # 34 – Cat’s Pajamas
Yu have to be brave and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Each day that goes by the light will get stronger. Writing helps enormously as you well know.
martin miller-yiannis last blog post..Bulgarian Schools – First Day Back
Bless you heart!
I’ll look forward to the page you set up for your son. I will visit, bookmark and comment.
Tell your son that he, through his Mom, has touched a complete stranger’s heart. And these are the small moments that make life worth living … worth fighting for.
Hilarys last blog post..*Sob*
One of the best things is that he is reaching out to you and sharing his journals.
You need to talk, know you have people. My children haven’t but I tried in my teens, still fight that pain when my pills don’t work quite right. You can email me.
Sassy Mama Bears last blog post..Searching for Treasure? You’ve Found Treasure Hunt
My prayers go out for you both. Praying you both find peace, hope and the blessings life has to offer. Looking forward to hearing from Stephen.
Carols last blog post..Band Geek
I’m not a mother, but I’ve been in Stephen’s place, so I know how that feels. I’m glad I survived though!! I wish you both a lot of love and strength to get through this. hang in there, you’re not alone!
Tinks last blog post..Robbie always does the trick!
Monica, I’m so, so sorry to hear what troubles you face. By sharing them, you are letting us all support you in this difficult time.
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Monica I’m sorry to read this, I am glad you have this tool to let things out. I can’t imagine what you and yours are going through, I can just say that I wish you and yours the best.
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OMG!! Monica!!! This must be extremely hard for u, ur son and ur family! Big HUGS for u sweetie and please, do take care of yourself. You gotta be strong for ur son and urself too. I really hope ur son will come home safe and sound.
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i see no wrong about being positive and cheery while everything around us is crumbling to pieces, in happiness there is always hope and a bright tomorrow.
I’ve been through so much depressing moments prior to finally taking one step ahead of all those and just look at the brighter side of things. Though they are beyond those dark clouds and haze, at least the silver linings promises that there is light beyond all these dark times.
My heart goes out to you and Stephen. hugs
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Wholley Molley, if I didn’t know it before I know it now.
I have the bestest Blogger Buddies ever.
Seriously folks, I just love you.
Stephen is still at the hospital, but when I told him folks’ wishes on my blog – he was really pretty enthused! He’s wanting to come home. Just not yet.
Thank you folks for letting me know – yet again – my little blog in this side of the Universe has alot of wonderful folks visiting! Thank you from my *Being*.
Love and Light to all of you! I’ll post his information as I sift through a bit.
~Mon
Thanks for the comment. I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I’m bipolar as well. I know how hard it is to deal with it. My son who is almost 4 has ODD/ADHD and I was even told he may have bipolar.
I’ll be thinking about your son and you.
God Bless
Lindseys last blog post..A few pictures of my kids.
Wow, It isn’t often I left speechless on the Internet, But this kind of news just takes my breath away. I’ll be praying for you.
Beamer
Beamers last blog post..Just In Case
hi Monica!
I pray that all is well with your son, you and the rest of the family.
I’m glad to hear that he’s enthusiatic to come home now. God bless you all and be strong!
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I’m sorry to hear about your son. I’m a mom as well but I don’t know how can I handle if I were in your shoes. My son is in pain now with the school intrigues, too minor compared to your son. I hope everything will be fine with your son. Blogging is a good theraphy, I guess that’s a good idea for him.
If you need any help, let me know.
glitch@ Mobile eBooks Etcs last blog post..Glitch’s 1st Anniversary Contest
So sorry to hear this Monica, I guess my email was bad timing
my apologies about that! I wish you, Stephen and the rest of the family lots of strength and love.
Hugs!
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I think optimism is a wonderful policy!
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oh my gosh honey i am so sorry to read this but feel positive thoughts going on. he is getting help. my son is not. he is an addict. he claims to be clean now but i have some doubts. i hope i am wrong. this has been going on since he was 16 and he is 38 now. but on another positive note, i know many people that have come through and stayed healthy and clean for years and years, sarge for one. he has 21 years sober now. i know your son is not involved in this behavior but they are all forms of reaching out. good luck, and i’ll send a prayer for him and you too.
hugs, bee
xoxoxoxoxooxxoxoxo
empress bee (of the high sea)s last blog post..And it’s Friday again…
I feel for you and will pray for your son. Bipolar blood runs throughout my family, too, and it is an insidious thing.
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Oh Monica I wish you and your son both strength!
It just makes me wanna cry. I know what it’s like to struggle with mental health issues myself at 35. So,the thought of a child having those struggles makes me wish there was a way I could take it all away from him.
KNOW that there is light at the end of the darkness that seems never ending,and that great gifts do come from battling internal struggles.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I know how hard it is for you to leave him there and let him go through it, I know your mommy instinct is kicking in to protect him from all evils and you have to say no to him when he wants to be let out, I know its hard for you but you’re doing great. Thanks for listening to me too, thanks for that outlet. I’m here for you always. Sending many happy thoughts to both you and Stephen.
Wow. To echo the comments of a couple of others here – that’s great that you can be so open and share your feelings so we can support you and be here for you, AND it is WONDERFUL that you can still be positive – that is totally what hope is all about!
I said a prayer for your son, you and your family.
Caroles last blog post..It’s "Rebecca Rocks Day" at Carole’s Thoughtful Spot!
I say a prayer for you and your family and send lots of love.
I just popped her to thank you for your comment. I’m truly sorry for what you are going through. I can’t begin to understand how you must feel. I pray for happiness for you and your son.
Babs – beetles last blog post..An award and a gift!
Once again I’m playing “catch up” with everything blog-related … and now realize everything you’ve been going through. My thoughts are with you and your son with visions of strength and happier times ahead for you both.
test at amllp location
Monica’s last blog post..Called the Dad
test
Hey mom just read what you posted. Well I’m all better now! I’ve got a working blog and I’ve been making basic graphics like crazy! In fact one of my banners might be used by an up and coming paintball team! Love you mom!
I love you sweety!
Stephen , u such a handsome guy ..
i know everything about what you’re going through,,cuz i’m myself a teenager.. and have gone through many difficult times.. and thought of suicide and once i got really close to it.. but trust me,, you should FIGHT!!
think of life as a challenge .. u never want to lose,, have faith and always see good things in ur life.. such as ur sweet loving mother.. i can see that she’s a great woman.. standing always by ur side ,, monica ,, ur a great mother!! take care of ur handsome son ,, and God bless u both and all ur family!
and Stephen .. keep that loving smile on.. always.. no matter what!! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT !!!
Hi Hadeel ~ thank you so much. I’ll tell him to read your comment. Thank you thank you!
Jeeze teen time is tough eh? ::sigh::
lol yes it is!!
but giving up isn’t the answe u know
and ur so welcome.. i only told the truth =]
@Lindsey: Hi sweetie, thank you for coming through. And for your thoughts. My step-son was diagnosed with ADHD at 7 and he’s doing very very well. He’s 13 now. {{{{ hugs }}}}
@Beamer: Hi Beamer! I’m gonna do a happier post today, yesterday I just had to get it all out ya know? Thank you for the prayers. We really appreciate it! {{{{ hugs }}}}}
@daisy: Well hello there. He’s very ready to come home, but has some more work to do. I’m hoping he gets home worst case Monday. Thank you for the prayers.
@glitch@ Mobile eBooks Etc: Thank you for the offer of assitance. I appreciate that. School issues are actually what started this whole thing for my son… about 6 years ago. I’ll write on that one. Bullying in school is very very dangerous to everyone involved. I hope that’s not what your little one is going through. {{{{{ hugs }}}}} Thank you for the wishes!
@Tess: Sweetie, I missed your email!! I bet it is good timing.
Thanks honey.
@Athena: Thanks so much.
Thoughts and prayers are so appreciated!
@empress bee (of the high sea): Oh Empress thank you for sharing that! Parenting never ends… the care and concern will be with our children until we – well, it will always be there.
Hugs to you and your son – tons and tons of hugs!
oh couldn’t they just live happily ever after always?
xoxoxoxoxoxo back at you sweetie and thank you
@Elizabeth Channel: Oh I’m sorry to hear that with your family. I do hope it’s all under control and everyone is happy and healthy right now. Thank you for the prayers. We appreciate that so much.
@thinkinfyou: Hi honey! Thank you for the comment and love. I know many adults that are dealing with it too.
Sometimes I really wonder if I am. You know? Hugs sweetie… I’m gonna let him know that all of the beautiful folks on my blog left him love and light and prayer. 
HUGS
@Julie: Thanks Jules, I so appreciate your friendship. I’m always here for you… love you mucho!
@Carole: It’s a very humbling experience when you put out there what’s happening in your life and folks like you and everyone give me such wonderful love and positive light.
I so appreciate my readers… {{{ hugs }}}
@Dori: Thank you for the prayer and love. It’s very very appreciated!
@Brenda: Thanks sweetie.
We are doing pretty good holdin on!